Big plans, and little accomplishments, for week off

A week off at home. What to do with the time? So many possibilities. So many projects. So many things that will never — even in the fantasy-land I live in — ever get started. I always take time off to go somewhere, but never to just stay at home, to get things done, and spend time with family. It always seemed such an appealing idea, though. And that the possibilities — the accomplishments — would be so well possible. Why not have fun, and get stuff done? So that was my big plan this week. How’s it going? Well, let’s take a look: Planned activity: Paint the shed. I improved, fixed, re-sided and generally did just enough on my shed to keep it from collapsing into a heap of rubble and termite-eaten dust. The only thing left, my wife has pointed out on numerous occasions, was to paint it. E-gad!

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Drink Coffee from What?

OK, maybe it’s a bit of an exaggeration to say this heralds the end of the world, but you have to admit it comes pretty darn close. I read this story in the paper the other day. It’s about a pricey — $600 a pound — coffee called “kopi luwak.” Kopi luwak apparently is derived from the Indonesian words that mean, “your coffee came from poop” or “I can’t believe they’re actually drinking this.” Sweet, red coffee beans are devoured by a hungry critter called the Asian Palm Civet in Sumatra or Indonesia. It digests what it can, and then reintroduces the hard bean centers to the world after a 3-day, 4-night all-inclusive Caribbean cruise through its intestines. The beans are picked out of the civet dung, hopefully washed, and then roasted to make the coffee. Apparently, as the story tells it, enzymes in the civet’s belly do something to the beans to help smooth out the flavor and cut down on the caffeine jitters. Now, I would actually develop new jitters knowing that I was drinking something a weasel-creature’s intestines couldn’t digest, but people love it.

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Teeth, Toddlers, and Beer Bottles. SMASH!

Common sense tells you beer bottles, toddlers and teeth don’t mix. But I, my friends, lack common sense. Combine all three of those elements at the same time and you get a perfect storm — a confluence of bone, glass and enamel where the only loser is the one in my mouth. That is why a couple days ago I was looking like a snaggle-tooth, with a chipped-out front tooth with a shard dangling down that would make a vampire coo. A tooth is not going to win that battle. I had been working in the yard all day, trying to break a world record for most sweat lost from a body. It was quitting time, I had showered and was feeling parched. So when you’ve lost 13 gallons of water and your blood is little more than sand coursing through your veins, nothing gets you re-hydrated quite like beer. Sure, you might die of sunstroke and dehydration, but you go out with a smile.

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