Memories of senior prom on the cheap … with a coupon

I was trying to remember my high school prom the other morning: How I did my hair. What my makeup looked like. If I had dropped anywhere near $1,000. One-thousand dollars?!? On shoes. On a limo. On my nails. On a dinner in a fancy restaurant where other diners stared at me and wondered, “Is that socially-awkward dufus the future of America?” No, $1,000 was never in my prom budget. Probably closer to $32.50, thanks to a coupon.

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Never make a deal with a college student

Never make a deal with a college student. It comes with too many conditions. Too many clauses. You give in to one thing and then they want another. It never ends well. You find yourself in some unknown territory, like cross-country, bare-handed turkey hunting. Or in this case, writing a column about my Opinion Writing class. What was I thinking?

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Injured fingers and trips to the hospital

Put a Band-Aid on it. It’s about as typical an injury response as you’ll ever get from a father. Kid is missing three layers of skin? Put a Band-Aid on it. Bone is protruding at a 90-degree angle? Grab a stick from the yard as a splint and put a Band-Aid on it. Major gastrointestinal problems? Crush up a Band-Aid, add to boiling water with a pinch of lemon and drink it. Soothes the savage beast.

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Save our pennies!

I, for one, won’t stand for it. No, not in America. As the guy painted blue in “Braveheart” screamed, “They may take our lives, but they’ll never take our PENNIES!” (I wasn’t paying close attention, but I’m pretty sure that’s what the movie was about.) Either way, I’m concerned about a campaign to remove our great 1-cent piece from circulation. The debate has been sparked by Canada — a proud country whose national bird is the maple leaf. The Canadians decided to eliminate the penny because it will save, of all things, money. It costs 1.6 cents to make the copper-plated coin, and they don’t believe that makes cents.

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