The official St. Augustine chalupa rowing team

“Do you want to row a chalupa?” I was asked. A strange question. Not one you get every day. And not one easy to take while keeping a straight face.

“A chalupa?” I thought to myself. “The Mexican dish? Like a taco! How do you row a taco?!?”

No, no, no. Not a taco. That would be good, wouldn’t it? But this is a chalupa — a 16th-century, 37-foot Spanish longboat.

Early settlers used them for all manner of purposes as they navigated local waters, offloaded supplies from larger ships and explored Florida’s uncharted coastline, probably looking for taco shops. I’ve been informed there were no engines in the 16th century. Men rowed these boats with their calloused hands and strong, bulging arms.

The St. Augustine Maritime Heritage Foundation, with the help of the Lighthouse Archeological Maritime Program, has been building a chalupa at the Fountain of Youth Archaeological Park for a while now. It’s to commemorate St. Augustine’s 450th anniversary, and they plan to float it soon.

“We need people to row it — this ‘nontaco’ chalupa,” I was told (added emphasis was placed on the “nontaco.”) “You want to join this historic team?”

A million questions raced through my mind. I set them all free.

“Do you need to know your starboard from your port?” I asked. “Because I always thought ‘starboard’ was up — you know, where the stars are — and that ‘port’ was where you parked your boat. I’m told this is incorrect and could get you killed at sea.”

“Definitely incorrect. You will have to learn your starboard from your port. Maybe you can Wikipedia it.”

“Is this like a racing team?” I continued. “I mean, were the Spanish very competitive in the late 1500s? Was there like a Chalupa World Cup? And how did they have time to practice, what with the pirates and mosquitoes and typhoid and all?”

This one was met with absolute silence. I took this to mean the answer was unknown and that the offer to row the chalupa was about to be rescinded.

And then the biggest question on my mind: Why, for heaven’s sake, me?

“I mean, you have seen me, right?” I asked. “I look like two string beans lashed together with dental floss. I would barely make a good hood ornament on the front of a chalupa. I have no muscle mass whatsoever in my forearms. And my aft-arms actually have negative muscle mass. I’m a runner, and the only reason I’m any good at that is it requires no coordination whatsoever. I can barely keep my left and my right straight, and once I actually got lost getting out of bed. Are you actually considering ME for your chalupa rowing team?!?”

“Yes,” came the answer — less sure this time, slightly exasperated, even forlorn.

“Then I’m in!” I said without another word. “I would be happy to row on your crew. Now, tell me all about this ‘starboard’ thing. It sounds kind of science fiction-y. Is a chalupa like a hovercraft?”

And with that, the grand chalupa adventure begins …

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