Never trust your smart-phone

It read like a horror movie: “How smart-phones hijack our minds.” That was the headline of a piece in the Wall Street Journal — an article that immediately got my attention, and caused me to curse my phone: “Aha! It was YOU who caused me to eat all those candy corn pumpkins!!! I TOLD my daughter I had nothing to do with it!”

The article gave some pretty shocking statistics: We pull our phones out 80 times a day … our phones are actually making us less focused and sloppier … their mere presence makes us dumber and we’re willingly letting these devices “commandeer our brains” … if there is anything resembling candy corn in the house, they will force us to eat it. Stuff like that.

Truth is, if aliens wanted to invade Earth, all they need to do is buy a bunch of iPhones and pass them out for a free on a street corner. “Keys to the planet for a free smartphone? Eh … sounds like a fairly good deal! Does it come with unlimited data?”

We are willingly letting ourselves get hijacked.

That’s what we’ve come to, and the article had some research about how our devices are impeding our ability to think – literally short-circuiting how well we turn “information into knowledge.”

That scares me. But I tell you, it’s not my biggest beef with smart-phones. Frankly, it’s that for all their abilities and technological advancements, they can’t actually perform the duties I most want.

For instance, why can’t we get smart-phones to go to meetings for us? They can do everything else, but they can’t do that! Or do our taxes? Why can’t we get them to walk the dog when we’re running late for work?

Truth is, I don’t need a smart-phone. I need a handy-man phone. One that doesn’t look up step-by-step instructions on how to install an attic vent by the scary power line, but that actually goes up by the scary power line and does it for me!

I don’t need artificial intelligence. I need real intelligence. Like when my family and I went to the waterpark Aquatica in Orlando this past weekend. A REAL smartphone would have said to me, “Say man, do you really think it makes sense to wear your beloved sunglasses that cost real money on a water ride that has waterfalls and rapids?”

I want a phone that will slap me and say, “Yo! Stupid-face … go put them in the locker and buy your daughter some $18 Dippin’ Dots on the way back!” I would be out $18, but I would still have my sunglasses.

That’s a phone I can use. That’s a phone worth sacrificing my attention and intellect. And that’s a phone I’m perfectly willing to sell out the planet for when the aliens come calling. Provided, of course, they’re offering unlimited data and plenty of candy corn pumpkins.

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