A Christmas gift from a brother … almost

This is the actual text message exchange with my brother: He writes: Just got my Xmas present from you. You were very generous this year. Perplexed, I write: Huh!?! He replies: I just bought my Christmas present from you … for myself. Therefore unless you are some Christmas hating heathen, you are required to spend the same amount on yourself, or you get the Scrooge/Grinch Before They Learned Their Lesson Award. Confused, but playing it off — like I know what in the heck he is talking about — I write: Cool. How much you spend?

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The Great Holiday Food Exorcism

It takes mental fortitude — steel in your boots, ice water in your veins, the courage of 18 lions — to do what I did. There was a half-eaten box of chocolate turtles sitting on the kitchen counter. It was like a drug pusher trying to lull me in every time I walked by: “Hey buddy, you looking for chocolate bliss? Why don’t you come over here. This’ll make you fly.” Oh, OK. Maybe just 14. When I caught myself in a staring contest with the box — tears running down my face as I begged for it to release its demonic hold — I finally realized what had to be done. An old fashioned exorcism.

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An Illuminating Christmas Tradition

“You know what we’re doing tonight?” I asked the assembled at the dinner table … even an anxious dog. “We’re going to see CHRISTMAS LIGHTS!” And many merry “yees” and “yahoos” were heard all around (even from an anxious dog.) For nothing says Christmas like cruising neighborhoods in search of the spectacular, audacious, gaudy, inspiring, kilowatt-consuming Christmas light displays. It’s a serious and time-honored tradition in my house — one that goes back to my own childhood and similar adventures with my dad. What a joy to now share it with my daughter.

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Holiday Gift Giving 101

Could you use a little gift-giving advice this time of year? I figured as much, so I thought I would share some of my time-honored tricks and traditions that are sure to help you this holiday season: • A couple years ago, my brother and I were sitting somewhere when we both turned to each other at the exact same moment and blurted out, “How about we stop giving each other Christmas presents … FOREVER!” It was probably during a drunken fight, but with a quick handshake we cemented the most brilliant holiday tradition ever imagined: the “brother I love you, but ain’t buying you nothing for Christmas” tradition. It’s a way of getting back to the reason for the season, and eliminating at least one person from the shopping list. It works for us and might just work for you.

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