Dear Little Joe, <\/p>\n
First off, I\u2019m sorry for calling you a \u201cJerk Face.\u201d You\u2019re not a Jerk Face. That was wrong of me. You might be acting like one. Like when you ate three lizards and then \u2026 there\u2019s no pleasant way to say this \u2026 hacked them up on the back steps. You have to admit, that was a little Jerk Face-y. But you\u2019re just my mother\u2019s cat. You\u2019ve had a lot to deal with. She\u2019s been in rehab recovering from a broken hip and a fractured knee. I need to be cognizant of that. You\u2019re not a \u201cJerk Face\u201d and I\u2019m sorry. <\/p>\n
But I\u2019m writing you this letter because we have to come to some kind of understanding. You and me. Mano a gato. Because, Little Joe, do you have to be so difficult? I mean, we\u2019re all dealing with a lot here. It\u2019s not easy. But we\u2019re a family. We\u2019re in this together. <\/p>\n
For instance, like when I call you for dinner and you just meow back from the other side of the fence. What\u2019s that all about? \u201cLittle Joe,\u201d I call. \u201cMeow?\u201d you reply. \u201cLittle Joe, come on. It\u2019s dinner,\u201d I say again. \u201cMe-ow!\u201d you cry. It kind of sounds like you want me to come around the fence and pick you up. Like you want to be carried to dinner on a golden chariot. But I\u2019m not some Roman kitty chauffeur!<\/p>\n
When I told your mother this, she said you\u2019re \u201cjust scared.\u201d That I should go get you. Forget about it. You\u2019re not scared, Little Joe. You\u2019re lazy. <\/p>\n
Or remember how you \u201cmarked your territory\u201d in the utility room. What were you thinking? You sprayed the curtains real good. Took me forever to find the smell. I was down on my knees sniffing every corner of the floor. I inhaled some kitty litter! But where was it? Way above the washing machine. How did you even get up there? <\/p>\n
Not cool, Little Joe. Not cool. <\/p>\n
Your mother chalked that up to you needing an outlet. But you have an outlet. It\u2019s called the litter pan! Please use it. <\/p>\n
Or remember how you came home one night with a lizard hanging out of your mouth. Did you think about how that poor critter felt. Luckily you dropped him when I screamed, \u201cYou Jerk Face!\u201d I had to give that poor fella\u2019 CPR. He\u2019s going to make it, Little Joe, but no thanks to you. <\/p>\n
Or the broken picture frame. Or the smashed bird figurine. What do you do in the house at night? I\u2019ve talked to you about roller derby. <\/p>\n
As this long saga comes to a close, I just wanted to clear the air between us. Your momma is coming home and I need you to be a good kitty. Things are going to get back to normal. So you do better about spraying the curtains and I\u2019ll do better about calling you \u201cJerk Face.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear Little Joe, First off, I\u2019m sorry for calling you a \u201cJerk Face.\u201d You\u2019re not a Jerk Face. That was wrong of me. You might be acting like one. Like when you ate three lizards and then \u2026 there\u2019s no pleasant way to say this \u2026 hacked them up on the back steps. You have to admit, that was a little Jerk Face-y. But you\u2019re just my mother\u2019s cat. You\u2019ve had a lot to deal with. She\u2019s been in rehab recovering from a broken hip and a fractured knee. I need to be cognizant of that. You\u2019re not a \u201cJerk Face\u201d and I\u2019m sorry. But I\u2019m writing you this letter because we have to come to some kind of understanding. You and me. Mano a gato. Because, Little Joe, do you have to be so difficult? I mean, we\u2019re all dealing with a lot here. It\u2019s not easy. But we\u2019re a family. We\u2019re in this together. For instance, like when I call you for dinner and you just meow back from the other side of the fence. What\u2019s that all about? \u201cLittle Joe,\u201d I call. \u201cMeow?\u201d you reply. \u201cLittle Joe, come on. It\u2019s dinner,\u201d I say again. \u201cMe-ow!\u201d you cry. It kind of sounds like you want me to come around the fence and pick you up. Like you want to be carried to dinner on a golden chariot. But I\u2019m not some Roman kitty chauffeur! When I told your mother this, she said you\u2019re \u201cjust scared.\u201d That I should […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[553,555,561],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1306","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2015-nutshells","category-animals","category-family"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1306","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1306"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1306\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1307,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1306\/revisions\/1307"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1306"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1306"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1306"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}