Boy, nothing prepares you for July in Florida. Doesn\u2019t matter how long you\u2019ve lived here, or how many Florida summers you have under your belt. This month always rolls around and it\u2019s just a shock to the system. Like we never saw it coming. So with the heat pouring on, it\u2019s time to remember all the ways we Floridians know to beat the heat. <\/p>\n
\u2022\u00a0Put your foot down. I had to do that on July 4th. My mother planned to have us eat at her house under the grape vine arbor, when the afternoon heat index was still hovering around the boiling point of lava. \u201cThere\u2019s a nice breeze blowing,\u201d she said. Only, it wasn\u2019t a breeze. It was air that had caught fire and was racing by, searching for water. <\/p>\n
\u201cNo, we\u2019re not eating outside,\u201d I finally said. \u201cWe\u2019re not doing anything outside. It\u2019s Florida, and smart people prefer to live.\u201d
\n<\/p>\n
\u2022\u00a0Studies have shown that a mid-afternoon Florida car can be more effective at melting steel than industrial furnaces. So don\u2019t get into your car unless you\u2019re wearing a flame-retardant suit. Or pay a co-worker or a perfect stranger a couple bucks to lower your windows and start your air conditioning. And goodness me, never sit on vinyl seats in shorts. It will brand the pattern onto the back of your legs permanently. <\/p>\n
\u2022\u00a0Stay focused as you apply sunscreen. If you\u2019re like me, you have a tendency to get bored, lose interest and forget that you only did one side of your body. This will make for very interesting sunburns, and later, tan lines. You will endure weeks of people pointing and laughing. <\/p>\n
\u2022\u00a0The best time to go for a run this time of year is at 2 a.m. \u2026 in Antarctica \u2026 in a nice dream while napping with an ice pack taped to your head. In other words, don\u2019t run. If you do run, make sure you leave your will in an obvious location, as your loved ones will never understand your filing system when you\u2019re gone. <\/p>\n
\u2022\u00a0Stay hydrated. It\u2019s the only way to ward off spontaneous combustion. <\/p>\n
\u2022\u00a0Cool down (or at least put the heat into perspective) by reading stories about Venus, the hottest planet in the solar system. Temperatures can reach upwards of 460 degrees there. Although, with very low humidity and a nice breeze, it still feels cooler than an July Orlando theme park visit. <\/p>\n
\u2022\u00a0When visitors ask dumb questions like, \u201cIs it always this hot and humid?\u201d just blot at your brow, shrug your shoulders and say, \u201cSeems mighty nice out to me. Gives me the chance to talk with this heat-induced hallucination of Abraham Lincoln.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022\u00a0Know that there is no way to \u201cbeat the heat.\u201d Only to survive it. And that\u2019s what we Floridians do best, all the while dreaming of October and November. You know, when the air stops catching fire and we can start driving our cars again without burning our palms on the steering wheel. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Boy, nothing prepares you for July in Florida. Doesn\u2019t matter how long you\u2019ve lived here, or how many Florida summers you have under your belt. This month always rolls around and it\u2019s just a shock to the system. Like we never saw it coming. So with the heat pouring on, it\u2019s time to remember all the ways we Floridians know to beat the heat. \u2022\u00a0Put your foot down. I had to do that on July 4th. My mother planned to have us eat at her house under the grape vine arbor, when the afternoon heat index was still hovering around the boiling point of lava. \u201cThere\u2019s a nice breeze blowing,\u201d she said. Only, it wasn\u2019t a breeze. It was air that had caught fire and was racing by, searching for water. \u201cNo, we\u2019re not eating outside,\u201d I finally said. \u201cWe\u2019re not doing anything outside. It\u2019s Florida, and smart people prefer to live.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[554,558,569],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1465","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2016-nutshells","category-florida","category-weather"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1465","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1465"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1465\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1466,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1465\/revisions\/1466"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1465"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1465"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1465"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}