I\u2019ve always want to be on the TV show, \u201cSurvivor.\u201d I\u2019m a huge fan and pictured myself scrambling over obstacles, organizing blindsides, eating coconuts and pretty much becoming a banquet for mosquitoes.<\/p>\n
I would do pretty well, I figured. I\u2019m scrappy. I can rough it. I like a challenge. I would \u201csurvive!\u201d <\/p>\n
I\u2019ve thought all of this \u2026 right up until the other night. The night the dream died. <\/p>\n
It was at a youth group meeting at Memorial Presbyterian. A dinner \u201cwith games\u201d for kids and parents to kick off the year. I figured it would be board games or goofy get-to-know-you types. But instead they announced it would be a take on the TV show \u201cFear Factor,\u201d which puts contestants in scary situations to see how they respond. <\/p>\n
Close enough to \u201cSurvivor\u201d to see what I\u2019m made of!<\/p>\n
I volunteered for an \u201ceating\u201d contest. I pictured myself scarfing down a giant bowl of meatballs or gummy bears in front of an adoring crowd screaming, \u201cBri-an! Eats-like! A-pig!\u201d
\n<\/p>\n
What I did not picture \u2014 what my wildest nightmares couldn\u2019t have imagined! \u2014 was what they would put in the bowl. <\/p>\n
Anchovies! <\/p>\n
Let me just say it again: Anchovies! The fish that even fish don\u2019t want to be around. <\/p>\n
There are two types of people in this world: those who can\u2019t stand anchovies, and those who run away screaming because it smells like a garbage truck submerged in the bay. <\/p>\n
Luckily, we weren\u2019t going to eat them. Just pick them up in our mouths, race across the room and deposit them in another bowl. Minor difference!<\/p>\n
But my horror and revulsion gave way to excitement: \u201cIt\u2019s like \u2018Survivor,\u2019 Brian! We\u2019ve got this.\u201d <\/p>\n
Anchovies = glory.<\/p>\n
I learned a couple of things about myself. Like how even at church I\u2019ll do something disgusting to win a Starbucks gift card. <\/p>\n
That I have a really big nose. Every time I put my mouth into the bowl, my honker got in the way. I can recommend a lot of things in this world, but I cannot recommend anchovies up the nostrils!<\/p>\n
That I would be terrible at \u201cSurvivor.\u201d I would chomp up what I thought was a huge bite, then realize it was only a centimeter in diameter when I made my deposit. <\/p>\n
\u201cWhere did it all go?!?\u201d I cried. \u201cI didn\u2019t swallow it, did I?!?\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t win. I\u2019m not even sure I came in second or third. Children full-on beat me. And worse, I had to stride off caked in anchovies \u2014 little bits of fish stuck to my whiskers, and the smell swarming my nasal cavity. I washed my face 17 times, then gargled with coffee. <\/p>\n
I sat back down at my seat \u2014 where everyone scooted away from me \u2014 and realized my \u201cSurvivor\u201d dream was dead. And it hurt. It was devastating. It stunk worse than the little fishies. At least, right up until the moment I realized, maybe, \u201cAmerica\u2019s Got Talent\u201d might take a guy who could snort a bowl full of anchovies. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019ve always want to be on the TV show, \u201cSurvivor.\u201d I\u2019m a huge fan and pictured myself scrambling over obstacles, organizing blindsides, eating coconuts and pretty much becoming a banquet for mosquitoes. I would do pretty well, I figured. I\u2019m scrappy. I can rough it. I like a challenge. I would \u201csurvive!\u201d I\u2019ve thought all of this \u2026 right up until the other night. The night the dream died. It was at a youth group meeting at Memorial Presbyterian. A dinner \u201cwith games\u201d for kids and parents to kick off the year. I figured it would be board games or goofy get-to-know-you types. But instead they announced it would be a take on the TV show \u201cFear Factor,\u201d which puts contestants in scary situations to see how they respond. Close enough to \u201cSurvivor\u201d to see what I\u2019m made of! I volunteered for an \u201ceating\u201d contest. I pictured myself scarfing down a giant bowl of meatballs or gummy bears in front of an adoring crowd screaming, \u201cBri-an! Eats-like! A-pig!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[571,561],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1635","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2017-nutshells","category-family"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1635","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1635"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1635\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1636,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1635\/revisions\/1636"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1635"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1635"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1635"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}