It\u2019s been almost a week, so it\u2019s time to dig through those bags of Christmas presents stacked up in the bedroom and try to make some sense of the head-scratchers. You know, the unusual and perplexing ones you received. Call it \u201cThe Christmas Gift Search for Meaning.\u201d That\u2019s when you try to find the answer to why someone thought you needed such a thing. Try it. It\u2019s rather enlightening. <\/p>\n
Two portable car battery chargers \u2013 These both came from my aunt. She\u2019s the queen of strange and mystifying Christmas gifts. Usually there\u2019s a theme, and this year it was: \u201cA hurricane is gonna\u2019 kick you in your privates, so be prepared!!!\u201d As such \u2014\u00a0and because here in St. Augustine, Fla., we’ve been through two hurricanes in a single calendar year \u2014\u00a0we got solar-powered radios, military-grade tactical flashlights AND multiple car battery chargers \u2026 just in case while fleeing a hurricane my car breaks down MULTIPLE TIMES. My aunt doesn\u2019t understand that in this disposable age, when car batteries go dead, people just walk away and call an Uber. Even in hurricanes.
\n<\/p>\n
A map of the Panama Canal \u2013 Also from my aunt. She went there on a cruise before Thanksgiving. She bought a bunch of things, like \u2026 A THOUSAND MAPS OF THE PANAMA CANAL!!! I don\u2019t know why anyone needs such a map. It\u2019s not like you\u2019re in danger of getting lost. Basically there\u2019s \u201cgo straight\u201d or \u201cturn back.\u201d And you don\u2019t need a map to tell you that! Also, none of us own a boat. And even if we did, and then somehow got lost in the Panama Canal \u2014\u00a0maybe while fleeing a hurricane \u2014 we wouldn\u2019t use a map! We would just ask Siri if we should keep going forward. <\/p>\n
Cash \u2013 This was from my mom. In big bills. At first I didn\u2019t know what they were. \u201cStrange paper with numbers on it? Why would you give me this?!?\u201d But after asking Siri, I came to understand it was a form of currency from a bygone era. Back in a time when early man used to trade beads for land and club bison over the head. When I realized this, and then used an abacus to total it up, I was very appreciative. It\u2019s a nice amount. Only I don\u2019t know what to do with it. I was told I need to find something called a \u201cbank branch\u201d and then convert it into plastic or Bitcoin. Anyway, the meaning behind it? My mother thinks I\u2019m poor and probably wants me to buy new socks!<\/p>\n
A lot of chocolate \u2013 I mean a helluva lot! Like we\u2019re talking I could open up a chocolate store. Chocolate with cherry bits in them. Chocolate with caramel and sea salt. Chocolate that is so fancy, it\u2019s referred to as \u201ccacao.\u201d (Loosely translated: \u201cIf you have to ask Siri, it\u2019s too good for you.\u201d) The only meaning I could find behind all the chocolate gift giving is that people noticed I haven\u2019t been running as much. They figured I\u2019ve thrown in the towel and might as well totally let myself go. That would also explain the jar of bacon fat my brother gave me. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It\u2019s been almost a week, so it\u2019s time to dig through those bags of Christmas presents stacked up in the bedroom and try to make some sense of the head-scratchers. You know, the unusual and perplexing ones you received. Call it \u201cThe Christmas Gift Search for Meaning.\u201d That\u2019s when you try to find the answer to why someone thought you needed such a thing. Try it. It\u2019s rather enlightening. Two portable car battery chargers \u2013 These both came from my aunt. She\u2019s the queen of strange and mystifying Christmas gifts. Usually there\u2019s a theme, and this year it was: \u201cA hurricane is gonna\u2019 kick you in your privates, so be prepared!!!\u201d As such \u2014\u00a0and because here in St. Augustine, Fla., we’ve been through two hurricanes in a single calendar year \u2014\u00a0we got solar-powered radios, military-grade tactical flashlights AND multiple car battery chargers \u2026 just in case while fleeing a hurricane my car breaks down MULTIPLE TIMES. My aunt doesn\u2019t understand that in this disposable age, when car batteries go dead, people just walk away and call an Uber. Even in hurricanes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[571,561,558,556],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1688","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2017-nutshells","category-family","category-florida","category-holidays"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1688","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1688"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1688\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1690,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1688\/revisions\/1690"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1688"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1688"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1688"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}