It\u2019s the letter from the IRS that everybody dreams about. It said this: \u201cWe changed your 2017 Form 1040 to match our record of your estimated tax payments, credits applied from another tax year, and\/or payments received with an extension to file. As a result, you are due a refund of \u2026\u201d and here there were literally the words \u201cDrumroll please\u201d typed into the rather official-looking document with this figure: $8,216.00. <\/p>\n
Holy \u2026!!! Can this be right?!? I\u2019m rich!!!<\/p>\n
In my mind, I had already spent it. I would buy a 4K TV to put on the wall behind the sofa, in case I ever turned around or stretched or just grew tired of facing north. I would buy some kind of exotic animal, like maybe a mongoose with a gold earring, and name him Eric the Wise. I would buy my dog an automatic dog feeder so she\u2019ll stop bugging me when I\u2019m trying to write this column \u2026 like she is right now \u2026 AND FOR THE LAST TIME \u2026 IT\u2019S TOO EARLY FOR BREAKFAST!!! <\/p>\n
Nowhere in my mind \u2014 my conscious, somewhat coherent, wait-just-a-friggin\u2019 minute mind \u2014 did the obvious scream out: Uh, doesn\u2019t it concern you that this seems a little too good to be true \u2026 especially considering the fact you haven\u2019t even filed this year\u2019s Form 1040 yet?<\/p>\n
Who cares \u2026 I\u2019m coming Eric the Wise!!!
\n<\/p>\n
I sent an email to my accountant. It said this: \u201cSo, I just got this letter from the IRS. You know, the one that everybody dreams about. I would like you to tell me that it is true and factual and I can go buy my mongoose, Eric. BTW, did you happen to submit my tax return without my knowledge? \u2018Cus if not, I might have a problem.\u201d <\/p>\n
The phone rang within 13 seconds. Oh, agony, why do you love me so?<\/p>\n
I had been a victim of tax fraud. Actually, the government had been the victim. I, or at least my stolen information, simply was the vessel for it. <\/p>\n
See, here\u2019s the thing about our government: They\u2019re very easily ripped off. You know those Nigerian email scams where a \u201cprince\u201d emails you for help depositing $14 billion into your checking account? You know how you always wonder who in the world falls for them? I have the answer: It\u2019s our government! <\/p>\n
Because this was so easy for someone to do. My accountant said my information was probably stolen in the huge data breach at a credit reporting agency. The enterprising thieves then filed a phony 1040 return with my information and requested the refund be deposited onto an untraceable pre-paid debit card. The government said, \u201cYeah, that sounds about right. The guy has never gotten a return this big. Never wanted it on a debit card, but what the heck. Let\u2019s ship it out!\u201d <\/p>\n
Meanwhile there is a huge gap on my wall behind the sofa and I\u2019m making color copies of my passport to prove to the IRS I\u2019m not the guy with the debit card out buying a mongoose. I loved you, Eric the Wise!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It\u2019s the letter from the IRS that everybody dreams about. It said this: \u201cWe changed your 2017 Form 1040 to match our record of your estimated tax payments, credits applied from another tax year, and\/or payments received with an extension to file. As a result, you are due a refund of \u2026\u201d and here there were literally the words \u201cDrumroll please\u201d typed into the rather official-looking document with this figure: $8,216.00. Holy \u2026!!! Can this be right?!? I\u2019m rich!!! In my mind, I had already spent it. I would buy a 4K TV to put on the wall behind the sofa, in case I ever turned around or stretched or just grew tired of facing north. I would buy some kind of exotic animal, like maybe a mongoose with a gold earring, and name him Eric the Wise. I would buy my dog an automatic dog feeder so she\u2019ll stop bugging me when I\u2019m trying to write this column \u2026 like she is right now \u2026 AND FOR THE LAST TIME \u2026 IT\u2019S TOO EARLY FOR BREAKFAST!!! Nowhere in my mind \u2014 my conscious, somewhat coherent, wait-just-a-friggin\u2019 minute mind \u2014 did the obvious scream out: Uh, doesn\u2019t it concern you that this seems a little too good to be true \u2026 especially considering the fact you haven\u2019t even filed this year\u2019s Form 1040 yet? Who cares \u2026 I\u2019m coming Eric the Wise!!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[573],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1734","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2018-nutshells"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1734","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1734"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1734\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1735,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1734\/revisions\/1735"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1734"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1734"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1734"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}