I haven\u2019t seen any warnings from the Health Department, but I expect it won\u2019t be long. It\u2019s been too nice, this never-ending spring. Here it is May, and we still have these delirious temperatures, barely reaching the 80s during the day, and at night, requiring many of us multi-generational Floridians to wear light jackets. <\/p>\n
It\u2019s chilly out there, people!<\/p>\n
And it just seems to go on forever, like the blooming jasmine will never wilt and fade. Like we can keep wearing flannel pajamas and fur-lined slippers to get the morning newspaper. Like summer might never come. <\/p>\n
Almost like \u2026 we don\u2019t live in Florida!<\/p>\n
Oh my gosh \u2026 have we been transported to another dimension \u2026 called New Hampshire?
\n<\/p>\n
Sorry for raining on the parade, people, but you better get over it. Because we live in Florida. And I\u2019ve got some sobering news for you: It\u2019s sultry here, and flannel kills! <\/p>\n
This is Florida, where the state bird is hot. If you look at the state seal, there in the corner is a bird panting. This is a state where car companies once considered glove compartments doubling as toaster ovens. This is a state where air spontaneously combusts.\t<\/p>\n
Which is why it\u2019s time we start treating this like the health epidemic it is. The condition will be called, \u201cFloridians who have forgotten they\u2019re Floridian.\u201d It will have a fancy acronym that just rolls right off the tongue \u2014 FWHFTF. (For those who are a little dense, it\u2019s pronounced \u201cfwaft.\u201d) <\/p>\n
I think it\u2019s time that the governor declares a state of emergency so we\u2019re ready when the heat kicks in. That we start to take some of the following actions: <\/p>\n
\u2022 Every pizza restaurant be required to allow residents to stand by the ovens so we can re-acclimate to what sweltering temperatures feel like. <\/p>\n
\u2022 Anyone caught wearing a winter jacket in public be ticketed for causing a public disturbance by luring us into a false sense of temperature security. <\/p>\n
\u2022 We begin to tell our kids tales of the olden days, when walking barefoot across asphalt was like dancing across the sun. When our clothes had permanent sweat stains. When the heat-resistant mosquitoes used to carry off the bad children who didn\u2019t eat their broccoli.<\/p>\n
\u2022 We stop saying things like, \u201cLovely day for a stroll, isn\u2019t it governor? I could eat this delightful weather with a cherry on top.\u201d That\u2019s not how Floridians talk!!! We\u2019re hot, angry, agitated people, always in a hurry to get somewhere cool. We\u2019re supposed to grunt at each other and snarl, not sound like we\u2019re characters in \u201cMary Poppins.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 We start repeating this mantra: \u201cIt\u2019s hot. I like it hot. Heat is good for the soul.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 We start wearing two layers of sweat pants and drinking 12 cups of hot tea a day to simulate a typical summer morning. <\/p>\n
\u2022 We give thanks for this wonderful weather, but also remind ourselves why we live in Florida: Because we all have a screw loose, we love to complain and while the heat might melt the elastic in our underwear, it also make us the strong, proud people we are. <\/p>\n
So, governor, time to launch the \u201cDon\u2019t let FWHFT burn you\u201d campaign. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I haven\u2019t seen any warnings from the Health Department, but I expect it won\u2019t be long. It\u2019s been too nice, this never-ending spring. Here it is May, and we still have these delirious temperatures, barely reaching the 80s during the day, and at night, requiring many of us multi-generational Floridians to wear light jackets. It\u2019s chilly out there, people! And it just seems to go on forever, like the blooming jasmine will never wilt and fade. Like we can keep wearing flannel pajamas and fur-lined slippers to get the morning newspaper. Like summer might never come. Almost like \u2026 we don\u2019t live in Florida! Oh my gosh \u2026 have we been transported to another dimension \u2026 called New Hampshire?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[573,558,569],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1744","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2018-nutshells","category-florida","category-weather"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1744","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1744"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1744\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1745,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1744\/revisions\/1745"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1744"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1744"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1744"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}