Look here, Mother Nature: We like constants. We like patterns and concrete dates. We like things that we can count on, where there isn\u2019t a lot of room for surprises or guesswork. <\/p>\n
We thought you did, too. <\/p>\n
See, that\u2019s why we have \u201cHurricane Season.\u201d Maybe we weren\u2019t clear about this, but that\u2019s the season when you are ALLOWED to send hurricanes. Or tropical storms or even sub-tropical storms like last week\u2019s Alberto. <\/p>\n
We don\u2019t mean to get all legal on you, but we think it should be noted that Alberto came before June 1, which officially opens \u201cHurricane Season\u201d (as stipulated in the agreement you signed and had notarized.)<\/p>\n
We have this Hurricane Season because we need a little time off from the storms each year. You know, to not only get things ready, but also because we get kind of tired and burned out, man. I mean, we need a break! To be able to go to the beach and just kind of bum around the house. We like to chill! We can\u2019t be worrying all the time about whether our roof is going to blow off. Because here\u2019s a little secret: OF COURSE OUR ROOF IS GOING TO BLOW OFF!!! It\u2019s held on by these tiny little screws!
\n<\/p>\n
Our doctor said hurricane season is the reason we\u2019re getting heartburn, and that our blood pressure is off the charts. (No, it has nothing to do with eating bacon. Stop trying to blame everything on bacon!)<\/p>\n
So, we have Hurricane Season. And Hurricane Season is SUPPOSED to start on June 1. And that is supposed to mean you don\u2019t go sling shotting big things with gusty winds and a bulldozer full of water until after that date. <\/p>\n
Before June 1: Not good. <\/p>\n
After June 1: Well, we would still like you to think of that as a \u201csoft opening.\u201d August is kind of the \u201creal\u201d opening. (We\u2019re chronic procrastinators and won\u2019t even check to see if the family of squirrels is nesting in the emergency generator again until August.)<\/p>\n
Think of it as going to a party. Do you show up at the exact time on the invite? Of course not! That\u2019s a social faux pas. \u201cFaux pas\u201d is French for \u201conly jerkfaces do that.\u201d<\/p>\n
This is why we were so disappointed with the whole Alberto thing. It caught us Floridians guard. We were having a picnic in the backyard and you dropped a big bowling ball in the potato salad. <\/p>\n
What\u2019s up with that?!? <\/p>\n
Listen, we get you\u2019re going to throw us some curveballs. Out of the blue, you can still launch golf ball-sized chunks of ice at us while we\u2019re carrying groceries to the car. You can still whip winds into such a fury that they\u2019ll tear a house right off the foundation. We\u2019re not taking issue with that. <\/p>\n
We just ask that you abide to certain mutually-agreed upon constants, like no major weather until the duly posted time. (And even then, please respect the \u201csoft-opening.\u201d We still have to get that family of squirrels out of the generator.) <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Look here, Mother Nature: We like constants. We like patterns and concrete dates. We like things that we can count on, where there isn\u2019t a lot of room for surprises or guesswork. We thought you did, too. See, that\u2019s why we have \u201cHurricane Season.\u201d Maybe we weren\u2019t clear about this, but that\u2019s the season when you are ALLOWED to send hurricanes. Or tropical storms or even sub-tropical storms like last week\u2019s Alberto. We don\u2019t mean to get all legal on you, but we think it should be noted that Alberto came before June 1, which officially opens \u201cHurricane Season\u201d (as stipulated in the agreement you signed and had notarized.) We have this Hurricane Season because we need a little time off from the storms each year. You know, to not only get things ready, but also because we get kind of tired and burned out, man. I mean, we need a break! To be able to go to the beach and just kind of bum around the house. We like to chill! We can\u2019t be worrying all the time about whether our roof is going to blow off. Because here\u2019s a little secret: OF COURSE OUR ROOF IS GOING TO BLOW OFF!!! It\u2019s held on by these tiny little screws!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[573,558,569],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1755","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2018-nutshells","category-florida","category-weather"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1755","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1755"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1755\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1756,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1755\/revisions\/1756"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1755"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1755"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1755"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}