There\u2019s a rule in life (or should be): Never die because of a backyard fountain. <\/p>\n
First off, it\u2019s embarrassing. Second, it\u2019s one of three reasons that life insurance won\u2019t payout. (The other two are death by pet piranha and swallowing too much toothpaste.)<\/p>\n
Truth is, it didn\u2019t technically involve the fountain, and I didn\u2019t almost die. But could have, I suppose. I wasn\u2019t installing it. It\u2019s been in place for over a year. I was snipping vines and weeds with a pair of garden clippers. Innocent. Harmless. Rummaging around in a line of ornamental grasses. Not giving a care in the world to where I was snip-snip-snipping. <\/p>\n
Because why would I? They\u2019re plants. They haven\u2019t unionized. They\u2019re like kittens. <\/p>\n
Snip-snip-BZZZAP!<\/p>\n
That\u2019s when the flash of yellow and blue flame appeared, right out of the long, green leaves. It seemed to jump at me \u2013 angry about something. Maybe I had disturbed its slumber with my trimming. Wait a minute \u2026 why were my plants exploding in front of my eyes? Maybe they had gone through with the union after all?!?
\n<\/p>\n
It\u2019s about this point that things became clear, the shock wore off and I came to my senses about what was really going on here: My house must have been built over the top of a volcano! Or an evil burial ground. <\/p>\n
Or maybe I just forgot the golden rule of electrical work: Never run an exposed power cord in any area where you might one day nick it with a pair of garden clippers. <\/p>\n
BZZZAP!<\/p>\n
Why is it we do-it-yourselfers think that reading the warnings on instructions is all that\u2019s required? That\u2019s what I do \u2026 I read all of the warnings. I say to myself things like: \u201cWell, that\u2019s certainly good to know\u201d or \u201cI will take that into advisement as it sure sounds like a horrible death.\u201d <\/p>\n
And that\u2019s it. I have been advised. I have taken it \u201cinto\u201d advisement. And then I proceed to do exactly what it tells me not to do. All because I think this obligatory reading has given me immunity from these events actually taking place. Knowing IS half the battle \u2026 <\/p>\n
As I clearly recall when I installed the fountain, the instructions said the electrical cord should not be installed in any kind of shrubbery or ornamental grasses where the world\u2019s dumbest dummy might snip it, maybe thinking he\u2019s saving his family from a venomous snake.<\/p>\n
I thought to myself, \u201cWell, that\u2019s good to know. I get why they wrote that. The world is sure full of dumb people. Good thing I have advanced degrees and know better. So, why don\u2019t I just tuck this little cord right behind these ornamental grasses \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think I almost died!\u201d I told my family as I walked into the house. They were quite surprised, and then quite angry.<\/p>\n
\u201cWHAT!?!\u201d my wife demanded. \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you tell us you were outside doing electrical work?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I didn\u2019t actually know until the earth exploded in my face,\u201d I said. \u201cPlus, I read all the safety instructions on the fountain. No mention of telling your wife before electrocuting yourself with garden shears.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
There\u2019s a rule in life (or should be): Never die because of a backyard fountain. First off, it\u2019s embarrassing. Second, it\u2019s one of three reasons that life insurance won\u2019t payout. (The other two are death by pet piranha and swallowing too much toothpaste.) Truth is, it didn\u2019t technically involve the fountain, and I didn\u2019t almost die. But could have, I suppose. I wasn\u2019t installing it. It\u2019s been in place for over a year. I was snipping vines and weeds with a pair of garden clippers. Innocent. Harmless. Rummaging around in a line of ornamental grasses. Not giving a care in the world to where I was snip-snip-snipping. Because why would I? They\u2019re plants. They haven\u2019t unionized. They\u2019re like kittens. Snip-snip-BZZZAP! That\u2019s when the flash of yellow and blue flame appeared, right out of the long, green leaves. It seemed to jump at me \u2013 angry about something. Maybe I had disturbed its slumber with my trimming. Wait a minute \u2026 why were my plants exploding in front of my eyes? Maybe they had gone through with the union after all?!?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[573,563],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1797","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2018-nutshells","category-houses"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1797","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1797"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1797\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1798,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1797\/revisions\/1798"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1797"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1797"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1797"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}