Two idiots bobbing in the ocean. The other idiot might take exception to that, but I\u2019m the one writing the column, and the truth is the truth.
\n
\nYou might remember a while back I went to a Flagler alumni event where more coordinated alumni who know how to surf taught bottom-feeders like me how to ride the waves. Or for accuracy sake: be crushed by waves and dragged out to sea as shark bait. <\/p>\n
Well, since then I\u2019ve bought myself a longboard, convinced myself that \u201cdude\u201d should be a word worked into every sentence and religiously read surf reports online, at all hours of the day \u2026 and sometimes dream about them. <\/p>\n
I surf whenever I can. I listen to conch shells hoping to get wave-riding advice. I drive around with a board attached to my roof. <\/p>\n
And yet \u2026 two idiots bobbing in the ocean. <\/p>\n
I\u2019ve come to the realization that there\u2019s surfing and knowing how to surf. I can go out surfing, but it sure doesn\u2019t mean I know what the heck I\u2019m doing. <\/p>\n
Knowing how to surf, I\u2019m hoping, comes with time and a lot of waves. And hopefully it causes your body to produce new teeth because I\u2019m taking a lot of shots to the mouth area. <\/p>\n
The other idiot in the duo is my buddy Brian Washburn, another Flagler alum who I like because we share a first name. We\u2019ve become surfing buddies, and we make a good combination because neither of us have any common sense.<\/p>\n
We go out on the kind of days when surf reports say things like, \u201cNot if a howitzer was pointed at my head\u201d or \u201cCall funeral home before heading out.\u201d<\/p>\n
He will send me e-mails that say, \u201cSurf looks pretty good today. You up for it?\u201d Ten minutes earlier I will have seen how the National Weather Service just issued a typhoon warning for the coast, and part of Jacksonville was swept out to sea.<\/p>\n
\u201cUh, Brian,\u201d I write back. \u201cIsn\u2019t it a little rough out there?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRough?\u201d he replies. \u201cNaw, looked fine to me. One-foot waves, tops, and real glassy. Looks nice and easy.\u201d<\/p>\n
And, because I\u2019m an idiot, I strap a board to the top of my Jeep and head out to our rendezvous. <\/p>\n
Imagine my surprise when the ocean looks like war has erupted. At first I think a nuclear bomb has been dropped in the sea. Waves crash in every direction, mountainous buggers that rip and curl, biting down on the world below with massive fangs. Salt spray and sea spit fills the air. <\/p>\n
\u201cHuh,\u201d Brian says, and it\u2019s kind of a quizzical thing to say. \u201cDidn\u2019t look like that before. It\u2019s a little rougher now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA LITTLE rougher!\u201d I say. \u201cAn avalanche falling down an erupting volcano is a little rough. We\u2019re gonna\u2019 die out there. They\u2019ll write a tribute song and call it, \u2018Two idiots bobbing in the ocean.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think it will be OK,\u201d he says with a laugh. <\/p>\n
And then we head out. We actually head out!<\/p>\n
The other day we went out and when I looked over, he was bobbing along. <\/p>\n
\u201cHey,\u201d he called out, hanging on to his board kind of funny. I grew a little worried. You\u2019re supposed to be on the board. <\/p>\n
He was yelling something, and when I got close enough, I made it out: \u201cThat wave snapped my board in two.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour back?\u201d I called out. <\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d he yelled. \u201cThe board!\u201d <\/p>\n
Snapped right in two. By the time he floated it ashore, it had broken into three pieces. <\/p>\n
We laid it on the beach and stared at it. There were bite marks \u2014 big, ocean bite marks \u2014 all over it. The board\u2019s fin must have caught him on the shin because a little blood trickled from a small wound. <\/p>\n
And so I did what any surfer who doesn\u2019t know how to surf does \u2014 I said something profound (\u201cDude, that sucks!\u201d) and headed back in. <\/p>\n
That\u2019s what idiots do. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Two idiots bobbing in the ocean. The other idiot might take exception to that, but I\u2019m the one writing the column, and the truth is the truth.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=18"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=18"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=18"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=18"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}