I think of myself as a mellow guy. Pretty calm and polite. Not a hot-head. Someone who tries to be patient and understanding. And when I see my doctor every year, never once has he questioned my sanity or worried about my mental stability. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Which is why I can\u2019t figure out why, when I\u2019m around family, I absolutely lose my mind and turn into a sputtering volcano of acid and fiery \u2026 volcano nuggets? (I don\u2019t know, what do volcanoes spit out?)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But what is it about family that makes relatively mild-mannered, easy-going people crazy? That we turn into monstrous versions of ourselves? That we lose all patience and say things that we will inevitably regret? Like this: \u201cMOM!!! I\u2019m gonna\u2019 take a moment to go outside and spit!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What does that even mean?!? Who says something like that? What has become of me?!?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is what I\u2019ve been pondering as my brother and I replace kitchen cabinets at my mother\u2019s house. It\u2019s a project that requires us both to go over there, to my mother\u2019s house, and spend large quantities of time, with my mother, as we work on this project, for my mother, which affords her the freedom to come into the kitchen every 20 seconds and say things like, \u201cHmmmm, is that REALLY how it\u2019s going to look?\u201d or \u201cSo, anyone want a cookie break?\u201d or \u201cCan you please keep it down! The cats need their kitty snack and loud noises give them indigestion!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The volcano rumbles to life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My family has always argued. It\u2019s how we communicate. Our own private language. You don\u2019t say something \u2013 you argue something \u2026 like you\u2019re in Parliament. Names are said with punch and venom \u2013 short, nasty, one-syllable assaults. \u201cMOM!!!\u201d \u201cSCOTT!!!\u201d \u201cBRINE!!!\u201d (Two syllable words lack power and snap, so mine is turned into something that you do to a turkey at Thanksgiving.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you walk into my mother\u2019s house, you are likely to hear a cacophony of indistinguishable voices all firing off: \u201cWhy are you putting that THERE? Because I WANT to put it there! But it doesn\u2019t GO THERE! Yes, but I knew it would make you MAD, so I put it THERE! But that doesn\u2019t make any SENSE!!! NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO MAKE SENSE!!! SCOTT!!!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then the floor starts to shake and scientists think, \u201cThat\u2019s odd. We don\u2019t get earthquakes in Northeast Florida.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The more I try to be the calm, patient and understanding member of the lunatic brigade, the more the suppressed acid volcano wants to erupt. Held in check, it finally goes off at the most minute of offenses: \u201cWait a minute \u2026 did YOU throw away that plastic bag?!?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat plastic bag?\u201d my mother answers. \u201cYou mean the plastic bag I just threw away?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYes, the plastic bag you just threw away \u2026 why did you throw it away?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhy WOULDN\u2019T I throw it away? I wasn\u2019t raised in a barn! It was on the floor. It was GARBAGE! Why didn\u2019t YOU throw it away?!?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMaybe because \u2026 IT WASN\u2019T GARBAGE! AND I NEEDED IT!!!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBRINE!!! \u2026 Keep your voice down! The cats are trying to eat their kitty snack and loud noises give them indigestion!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Florida scientists just don\u2019t know. Not until they go work on a family project, and then it all makes sense. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I think of myself as a mellow guy. Pretty calm and polite. Not a hot-head. Someone who tries to be patient and understanding. And when I see my doctor every year, never once has he questioned my sanity or worried about my mental stability. <\/p>\n
Which is why I can\u2019t figure out why, when I\u2019m around family, I absolutely lose my mind and turn into a sputtering volcano of acid and fiery \u2026 volcano nuggets? (I don\u2019t know, what do volcanoes spit out?)<\/p>\n
But what is it about family that makes relatively mild-mannered, easy-going people crazy? That we turn into monstrous versions of ourselves? That we lose all patience and say things that we will inevitably regret? Like this: \u201cMOM!!! I\u2019m gonna\u2019 take a moment to go outside and spit!\u201d <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[575,561,563],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1885","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2019-nutshells","category-family","category-houses"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1885","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1885"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1885\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1887,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1885\/revisions\/1887"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1885"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1885"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1885"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}