Ah, pollen season. That special time of year when the\nglorious temperatures that we Floridians finally get to experience are ruined\nby a rain of tiny particles that clog our eyes, stuff up our lungs and\ngenerally cover the world in a thick film of yellow crud. Thanks, flowers! But\npollen provides many benefits, and I\u2019m not just talking about the very\nnecessary pollination effect, which I would describe in great scientific detail\n\u2026 if I had any clue what that was. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, instead I want to expound upon the virtues of pollen\nseason by offering some of the many important upsides that come with the\nso-called \u201cpollenpocalypse.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 It gives you the chance to try out a yellow car. Yellow is\na funny color. Some people love it and some people hate it. For those, however,\nwho have always thought, \u201cI wonder if I would look terribly sexy in a yellow\ncar,\u201d here\u2019s your chance to try with no strings attached. How often do you get\nan opportunity like that? And of course the answer is going to be, \u201cHell no,\nyou don\u2019t look sexy! You look like you\u2019re driving a dirty banana!\u201d But at least\nyou will know and won\u2019t have dropped big bucks to realize the only thing yellow\ndoes well is make you look jaundiced. And that is not a sexy look!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 You get to leaf blow your front porch 30 times a day. Who\ndoesn\u2019t want to do that? It becomes like a video game. Blow over here. Blow\nover there. Don\u2019t let it collect. Make sure you don\u2019t blow away the cat. Ooops,\nyou just blew over your wife\u2019s flowers in the fancy pot you received as a\nwedding present. Extra points if you can blow all the pieces off the porch and\nshe never notices. See? Super fun!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 It gives you a good come-back when your up-north friends\ncomplain about the latest polar vortex that dumped 50 inches of snow. \u201cWhoop-de-do!\u201d\nyou can tell them. \u201cWe\u2019ve had 82 inches of pollen and my lungs feel like I\u2019ve\ninhaled a bag of gravel and I have a pollen-induced rash in the shape of Alfred\nHitchcock. So, let\u2019s just keep it in perspective here!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 When the oak and other stringy tree pollen starts falling\nand getting all over you, it can be a great ice-breaker in morning meetings:\n\u201cHey, Ted, I think you might have some poop or maybe a worm dangling from your\nhair.\u201d Between all the pointing, laughter, shuffling to get away and general\ndisgust, it\u2019s a great way to liven up a stiff crowd.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 It offers the dog an opportunity to play practical jokes.\nBecause, you know how much dogs love to play practical jokes! And roll in the\ngrass, especially when there is a lot of stringy, yellow-stained oak mash piled\nup out there. And especially when it has just rained and it is now more of a\nmush or pollen putty. And most especially if the dog thinks tracking it all\nover the house and rubbing up against the sofa and then emerging at the dinner\ntable where someone screams, \u201cAHHH!!! She rolled in poop \u2026 or maybe some\nworms!!!\u201d sounds funny, as most dogs do. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Oh, the joys of pollen season. Too bad it only comes around\nonce a year. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Ah, pollen season. That special time of year when the glorious temperatures that we Floridians finally get to experience are ruined by a rain of tiny particles that clog our eyes, stuff up our lungs and generally cover the world in a thick film of yellow crud. Thanks, flowers! But pollen provides many benefits, and I\u2019m not just talking about the very necessary pollination effect, which I would describe in great scientific detail \u2026 if I had any clue what that was. <\/p>\n
So, instead I want to expound upon the virtues of pollen season by offering some of the many important upsides that come with the so-called \u201cpollenpocalypse.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 It gives you the chance to try out a yellow car. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[575,558,569],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1904","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2019-nutshells","category-florida","category-weather"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1904","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1904"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1904\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1905,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1904\/revisions\/1905"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1904"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1904"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1904"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}