Mornings used to be so peaceful. I would leisurely get up, stretch a little bit, joyfully stub my toe on the edge of the bed, make some coffee, sip it in total relaxation while reading the paper. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My mornings were glorious. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I came down with a case of the porch cats. An\naffliction known to the scientific community as porchcatitis, with symptoms\nthat can be as serious as pulling out your hair, general screaming,\nuncontrollable twitching, the urge to gnaw on pressure-treated wood, and most\ndefinitely, ruining your morning. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mornings are no longer peaceful. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because porch cats, like all cats, are finnicky and fussy. These\ntwo have already forgotten they were practically homeless just a couple months\nago when we unofficially adopted them. Gave them land rights to our porch. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dogs? Dogs are easy. You pour some food in a bowl, you put\nit in front of them and then get your hand out of there like it\u2019s a rat trap\nabout to go off. Same thing for chickens. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Cats, though? Especially porch cats? It\u2019s a whole ordeal.\nOne of them, T-grass, has decided that there are only SOME brands, and SOME\nflavors, of cat food that she will eat. I feel like a wine sommelier shuttling\ncans outside to see what her tastes are each morning. Tempting salmon bits?\nMeaty beef chunks? What\u2019s your mood today, varmint?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If I get it wrong, she stands there staring at me like I\u2019m\njust about the dumbest person this side of Kalamazoo. I experiment with different presentations,\nstacking the food in appealing shapes and drizzling gravy over it like I\u2019m a\nstar Parisian chef. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The meal that they love the most is the one that stinks my\nkitchen to the highest of Heaven: Tuna pate\u2019 with dead skunk giblets. They eat\nthat ferociously, which is a good thing. Because food that they hesitate on or\neat casually invites neighborhood cats who know a free, easy meal when they see\none. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My porch cats don\u2019t seem to care. They just let the other critters\nmarch right up and eat their food while they stand back and watch. It\u2019s like they\ndon\u2019t mind. As if they\u2019re saying, \u201cYou know in life, it\u2019s important to share\nand give to the less fortunate.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
To which I respond: \u201cYou ARE the less fortunate! These cats\nhave homes. You\u2019re lucky to have a porch, and a bowl of food, which you\u2019re now letting\nsome other well-cared-for-critter eat!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, I spend the morning shuttling back and forth to the\nfront door checking on things and chasing other cats off. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I become more and more deranged each time I have to do it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
People walking dogs stare at the crazy man stomping after a\ncat while yelling something profane like: \u201cGet out of here, fat little porch\nweasel!!!\u201d (but with many unprintable words thrown in for good effect.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The porch cats watch this whole episode and seem slightly\namused. T-grass wonders why I didn\u2019t buy more tuna. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now I\u2019m devising netting or kitty scarecrows to keep the\nother cats away. Or worse \u2026 letting my porch cats eat inside. Off the porch and\ninto the home?!? The lengths we will go to make sure little critters are happy\nand cared for. I guess in life it\u2019s important to share and give to the less\nfortunate. But, boy, did my mornings used to be peaceful \u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Mornings used to be so peaceful. I would leisurely get up, stretch a little bit, joyfully stub my toed on the edge of the bed, make some coffee, sip it in total relaxation while reading the paper. <\/p>\n
My mornings were glorious. <\/p>\n
Then I came down with a case of the porch cats. An affliction known to the scientific community as porchcatitis, with symptoms that can be as serious as pulling out your hair, general screaming, uncontrollable twitching, the urge to gnaw on pressure-treated wood, and most definitely, ruining your morning. <\/p>\n
Mornings are no longer peaceful. <\/p>\n
Because porch cats, like all cats, are finnicky and fussy. These two have already forgotten they were practically homeless just a couple months ago when we unofficially adopted them. Gave them land rights to our porch. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[575,555,563],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1975","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2019-nutshells","category-animals","category-houses"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1975","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1975"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1975\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1978,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1975\/revisions\/1978"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1975"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1975"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1975"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}