\u201cWhat is it?\u201d my daughter asked. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well, trying to answer that question is a bit like trying to\nanswer: What\u2019s the meaning of life? Why are we here? Are we alone in the\nuniverse? What\u2019s at the center of a black hole? How many licks does it take to\nget to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOf all the great mysteries,\u201d I replied, taking the tone of\na wise, old philosopher, \u201cthis is the one man will go to his grave trying to\nanswer.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She stood staring at the brown, metallic-y pouches with the\ncryptic black writing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYeah \u2026 but \u2026 it says \u2018Meal, Ready To Eat.\u2019 So, is it like food\nor something?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYes, my dear. You nailed it: \u2018Or something,\u2019 and no one\nquite knows for sure what that \u2018something\u2019 is.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
By now I was cradling it, the precious MRE. Military-style\nrations. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had guilted a colleague into giving me a couple. He had\nbought a box of them a couple years ago as hurricane supplies, and as Hurricane\nDorian threatened to tip-toe into St. Augustine a week or so back, he sent out\na photo of himself eating packaged spaghetti and meatballs while drinking a\npowdered \u201ccarbohydrate electrolyte beverage\u201d that was a shade of blue never before\nseen in the natural world. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I HAD to have one. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And because they were quickly reaching their expiration date\n\u2013 odd considering they last for like 72 years. How long did he have these?!? \u2013\nhe offered to give me a couple. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The doors to Heaven itself opened up for me. Angel choirs sang\nand a disco ball dropped down. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Most of my childhood was spent dreaming of, working toward\nor eventually consuming as many MREs as my war-loving brother and I could get\nour hands on. You simply couldn\u2019t play Army men in the backyard unless you had a\nfew vacuum-packed, over-preserved, calorie-rich, gut-churning MREs. And thanks\nto my father, and the local Army-Navy store, we always seemed to have a fresh \u2026\ner, preserved \u2026 supply. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now I could hook a new generation on them. Look at her? My daughter\nwas giddily rummaging through the packs as we explored their contents.\nLemon-lime beverages. A dessert pack that turned out to be a Pop-Tart\napparently squashed flat by a tank. Instant coffee and a packet of grape jelly\nthat contained not only corn syrup, but also high fructose corn syrup \u2013 just for\nadded kick. Vanilla pudding dessert powder and a packet of compressed wheat\nbread that had the audacity to proclaim \u201cCELEBRATE TASTE.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Oh, and I shall, little packet. I shall! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo, we\u2019re actually going to eat this?\u201d my daughter asked. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOf course! And you\u2019ll never be the same \u2026 spiritually or\nphysically. And I mean \u2018physically\u2019 because the preservatives will actually\nalter your DNA. But you don\u2019t have to worry about that for like 20 years.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We were starting with \u2026 gasp! \u2026 pork sausage patty with\nmaple syrup and a side of hash browns with bacon!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She watched as I heated it, ripped open the piping hot bag\nand plopped the contents into a bowl. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her hand slapped hard across her lips as she tried to\nsuppress the urge to gag. A real, uncontrollable, gulp-inducing gag. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhich is the sausage and which is the hash browns!?!\u201d she\nasked, horrified. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou know, I\u2019m not going to lie here: I have no idea,\u201d I\nsaid. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then as she watched, I dug in. The price we pay for\nnostalgia. It was both flavorless and a kind of flavor never before seen in the\nnatural world. In need of salt, and yet so filled with sodium that it could be\nchipped off. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIs it good?\u201d she asked, refusing a bite. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I said. \u201cIt\u2019s actually quite awful. Which leads me to\nanother of life\u2019s great mysteries: Why can\u2019t I stop eating it?\u201d All while I could\nfeel my DNA changing with each bite. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cWhat is it?\u201d my daughter asked. <\/p>\n
Well, trying to answer that question is a bit like trying to answer: What\u2019s the meaning of life? Why are we here? Are we alone in the universe? What\u2019s at the center of a black hole? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?<\/p>\n
\u201cOf all the great mysteries,\u201d I replied, taking the tone of a wise, old philosopher, \u201cthis is the one man will go to his grave trying to answer.\u201d<\/p>\n
She stood staring at the brown, metallic-y pouches with the cryptic black writing. <\/p>\n
\u201cYeah \u2026 but \u2026 it says \u2018Meal, Ready To Eat.\u2019 So, is it like food or something?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, my dear. You nailed it: \u2018Or something,\u2019 and no one quite knows for sure what that \u2018something\u2019 is.\u201d <\/p>\n
By now I was cradling it, the precious MRE. Military-style rations. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[575,562,569],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1980","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2019-nutshells","category-childhood","category-weather"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1980","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1980"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1980\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1981,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1980\/revisions\/1981"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1980"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1980"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1980"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}