If you got your stimulus check from the IRS, hooray for you! Seriously \u2026 I mean that. Hoo-ray! I\u2019m glad for you. It\u2019s just that, I haven\u2019t gotten mine yet, and while I\u2019m not desperate for it \u2013 I have snacks! \u2013 I do kind of want it. Because it\u2019s mine. And I kind of feel like, well, you got yours, so \u2026 WHERE\u2019S MINE!?!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I haven\u2019t gotten it yet. I know this because I check my bank account roughly 700 times a day \u2026 to the point that the tips of my fingers have gone numb and I\u2019m starting to hallucinate about the IRS logo chasing me through the desert. (I mean, what is that logo? An eagle proudly doing his taxes or something?)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Again, don\u2019t worry about me financially. I just get a little neurotic about things. When I was late for my own birth, I started knocking on my mother\u2019s womb and calling out, \u201cHell-OOOO! Can we get a move on here?!?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe you\u2019re like me: Wanting that money. So I have put together some helpful hints on finding out more information on your check, as well as coping with the frustration of waiting for it to arrive in your bank account:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 This is extremely important, as in everything I\u2019ve read all experts recommend this: Check your bank account 700 times a day. Do it until the tips of your fingers go numb and you start to hallucinate about the IRS logo chasing you through the desert. It doesn\u2019t matter if you just checked it 3 seconds ago. Because maybe at that moment the direct deposit was still processing and now it\u2019s in there. Yeah, good point. Hold on a second while I go \u2026 DANG! Where is it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Come up with really elaborate and wild explanations for why you didn\u2019t get it. Like the IRS has a \u201cSee the Future\u201d machine and knew you were going to write this column. And that made them mad. So, they took your check and \u201caccidentally\u201d mailed it to a guy in Albuquerque named Stan Livingston \u2026 in care of his dog. Or, even worse, they fell victim to one of those Nigerian princes email scams and gave your money to someone who promised to send them $1 million if they just turned over some simple bank account info first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Read lots and lots of obscure IRS guidelines, frequently asked questions, explanations and even-more-obscure procedural backgrounders. Really get down in the weeds on this one. Explore the deep crevices of the IRS web site in the hopes of finding something down in there to explain the delay. You won\u2019t find anything \u2013 believe me I\u2019ve tried! \u2013 but a few minutes into this bleak, uncharted wasteland and you will be thankful you\u2019re not the poor schlub who has to write all that stuff.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Get really focused on the reasons for payment ineligibility and think that must be what your problem is. For instance, if you read: \u201cNigerian princes who have international warrants for trafficking black market lima beans will be excluded from collecting any stimulus funds, except for what they can harvest through illegal email scams,\u201d then think to yourself: \u201cOh my gosh! That must be it! Could it be I\u2019M a Nigerian prince and I just got amnesia or something?!?\u201d Spend some time considering this very real possibility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Read stories about how the IRS is sending checks to dead people. Check your pulse. Feel both relieved and grateful \u2026 then wonder if there is some kind of angle you could work here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Try the IRS\u2019s \u201cGet My Payment\u201d online stimulus checker\/tool\/thing. Come on, do it \u2026 I dare you. Think to yourself, \u201cMan, this is so awesome! I\u2019m gonna\u2019 finally find out when I\u2019m getting my money.\u201d Think to yourself, right before you type in all your information, \u201cSee, I knew the world was perfect and everything works like it should,\u201d and then \u2013 when the site returns these words: \u201cPayment Status Not Available\u201d \u2013 just go ahead and throw your shoe through your monitor. (And if the glass, doesn\u2019t shatter too badly and you can still see the screen, re-type your information to see if you get a different result this time.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Take a break. Relax. Realize it will come and you need to be patient. Then Google this: \u201cHungry groundhog in Philadelphia eats slice of pizza.\u201d I know groundhogs shouldn\u2019t be eating pizza, but this is the funniest thing you will see in a long time. Plus, it will take your mind off of your stimulus check \u2026 and all the money you gave away to that Nigerian princes email scam. Why did I open that email?!?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
If you got your stimulus check from the IRS, hooray for you! Seriously \u2026 I mean that. Hoo-ray! I\u2019m glad for you. It\u2019s just that, I haven\u2019t gotten mine yet, and while I\u2019m not desperate for it \u2013 I have snacks! \u2013 I do kind of want it. Because it\u2019s mine. And I kind of feel like, well, you got yours, so \u2026 WHERE\u2019S MINE!?! <\/p>\n
But I haven\u2019t gotten it yet. I know this because I check my bank account roughly 700 times a day \u2026 to the point that the tips of my fingers have gone numb and I\u2019m starting to hallucinate about the IRS logo chasing me through the desert. (I mean, what is that logo? An eagle proudly doing his taxes or something?)<\/p>\n
Again, don\u2019t worry about me financially. I just get a little neurotic about things. When I was late for my own birth, I started knocking on my mother\u2019s womb and calling out, \u201cHell-OOOO! Can we get a move on here?!?\u201d<\/p>\n
Maybe you\u2019re like me: Wanting that money. So I have put together some helpful hints on finding out more information on your check, as well as coping with the frustration of waiting for it to arrive in your bank account: <\/p>\n
\u2022 This is extremely important, as in everything I\u2019ve read all experts recommend this: Check your bank account 700 times a day. Do it until the tips of your fingers go numb and you start to hallucinate about the IRS logo chasing you through the desert. It doesn\u2019t matter if you just checked it 3 seconds ago. Because maybe at that moment the direct deposit was still processing and now it\u2019s in there. Yeah, good point. Hold on a second while I go \u2026 DANG! Where is it?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[576,577],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2073","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2020-nutshells","category-coronavirus"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2073","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2073"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2073\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2074,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2073\/revisions\/2074"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2073"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2073"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2073"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}