Yeah, it\u2019s 2020. A year ruled by Murphy\u2019s Law, that good \u2018ole adage about anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. And go wrong in spectacular fashion. In fact, \u201cgo wrong\u201d might include one of your body parts spontaneously combusting, and then you get attacked by a murder hornet \u2026 WITH MANGE!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
All in the actual law. Look it up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We\u2019re eight months into the year, and if you\u2019re keeping track, we\u2019ve had a major pandemic, an economic crisis, riots and unrest, wildfires in California, some weather event in the Midwest called a \u201cderecho\u201d (I thought that was a breakfast burrito, but apparently that\u2019s not right) and most recently two hurricanes in the Gulf nearly colliding in an ultimate violation of social distancing. Earlier models even called for the two storms to meet on Bourbon Street, which would have just about topped it all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, if you\u2019re like me, you\u2019re asking yourself, \u201cWhat else could possibly go wrong in 2020?\u201d And if you\u2019re like me, you should NEVER ask dumb questions like this because the universe will promptly respond: \u201cAre you mocking me? How about I make your pinky finger spontaneously combust and send a murder hornet for you!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We still have a rip-roaring presidential election to go, a long hurricane season to slog through and another four months before we can flick 2020 the middle finger goodbye. What else could go wrong? I\u2019ve decided to try and answer that question with a few predictions and prognostications that might come to pass before the dawn of a glorious new year:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 You thought two hurricanes in the Gulf at the same time was unprecedented? Well, just wait. Because I\u2019m predicting 2020 will see three hurricanes all swirling in the Atlantic at the same time. And to top that, I believe they will perform party tricks and some of Shakespeare\u2019s lesser known plays before simultaneously striking three separate states.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Maybe you\u2019ve heard about plans to release millions of genetically-modified mosquitoes in South Florida. These mosquitoes have been tinkered with so that when they mate with the native population, they produce offspring that die before hatching. While some have raised scientific concerns about the introduction of this altered organism \u2013 has anyone seen \u201cJurassic Park?!?\u201d \u2013 I think the real danger will be all these mosquitoes banding together to create the world\u2019s largest Ponzi scheme selling cut-rate toilet paper and bilking Floridians out of millions of dollars. Do NOT give your credit card info to anyone buzzing on the telephone about the softest two-ply on the market!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 TikTok. That\u2019s it. Just the fact that it exists. Big problem! And not because it might get banned, is linked to the Chinese government or could be a cybersecurity threat. Rather, it\u2019s because I\u2019ve become addicted to the app that lets people upload short videos of dances and other hijinks set to catchy music. TikTok magically knows that I LOVE videos of explosions, people goofing off and falling into bushes or off bridges or any video of a cat wrestling with a dog, and preferably with the cat\u2019s head ending up inside the dog\u2019s mouth. Do you know how many videos there are like this?!? TikTok, you just get me!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 A world-wide blackout will take down ALL Internet and other communication infrastructure leaving us unable to talk to anyone \u2026 except for those people we\u2019ve been stuck inside with on lockdown for the past five months. The very same people who\u2019ve been driving us coocoo and we don\u2019t want to talk to anymore. Seriously, what else can we possibly say to them? The one upside will be that the last two companies in the world selling carrier pigeons or offering telegraph services will reach market values rivaling Apple or Microsoft. (Buy stock now!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 An election screw-up will accidentally send millions of Florida\u2019s leftover George W. Bush vs. Al Gore ballots from 2000 through the mail to voters all across the country. This will create another \u201changing chad\u201d debacle, but this one on a national scale. It will delay the results of the presidential election until 2027, and after the rest of the country cries, \u201cWhy, Florida, did you keep those things?!?\u201d they will decide to give away our state through a $1 raffle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Maybe worst of all: We run out of toilet paper \u2026 again! All of us. Because it can\u2019t get any worse, and the mosquito thing was just a Ponzi scheme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Oh, and for any of you worried about those predictions that an asteroid might hit the planet just days before the U.S. election, I can assure you that it won\u2019t happen. Listen, no interstellar object with an ounce of sense would step foot on this Murphy\u2019s Law-cursed planet. Plus, the universe is really curious to see how badly we can mess up this election, and what three Atlantic hurricanes performing Shakespeare will look like.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Yeah, it\u2019s 2020. A year ruled by Murphy\u2019s Law, that good \u2018ole adage about anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. And go wrong in spectacular fashion. In fact, \u201cgo wrong\u201d might include one of your body parts spontaneously combusting, and then you get attacked by a murder hornet \u2026 WITH MANGE!<\/p>\n
All in the actual law. Look it up.<\/p>\n
We\u2019re eight months into the year, and if you\u2019re keeping track, we\u2019ve had a major pandemic, an economic crisis, riots and unrest, wildfires in California, some weather event in the Midwest called a \u201cderecho\u201d (I thought that was a breakfast burrito, but apparently that\u2019s not right) and most recently two hurricanes in the Gulf nearly colliding in an ultimate violation of social distancing. Earlier models even called for the two storms to meet on Bourbon Street, which would have just about topped it all. <\/p>\n
So, if you\u2019re like me, you\u2019re asking yourself, \u201cWhat else could possibly go wrong in 2020?\u201d And if you\u2019re like me, you should NEVER ask dumb questions like this because the universe will promptly respond: \u201cAre you mocking me? How about I make your pinky finger spontaneously combust and send a murder hornet for you!\u201d <\/p>\n
We still have a rip-roaring presidential election to go, a long hurricane season to slog through and another four months before we can flick 2020 the middle finger goodbye. What else could go wrong? I\u2019ve decided to try and answer that question with a few predictions and prognostications that might come to pass before the dawn of a glorious new year:<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[576,577,558,572],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2127","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2020-nutshells","category-coronavirus","category-florida","category-in-the-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2127","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2127"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2127\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2128,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2127\/revisions\/2128"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2127"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2127"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2127"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}