All year long, it\u2019s been months away. Plenty of time to plan for it. To ponder its meaning and significance. To get myself mentally prepared. To decide how best to handle it. Or even avoid it. You know \u2026 how to make sure it NEVER happens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s 11 months away. Plenty of time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNot really thinking about it. We still have 8 months before that\u2019s an issue. An eternity in dog years!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSure it\u2019s coming, but it\u2019s still half a year from now. And I\u2019m able to put it out of my mind fairly easily \u2026 thanks to bourbon.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I would have successfully kept going like that if not for the ticking of time, and stubborn family members who keep asking: \u201cSo, Brian! What are you doing about your daughter\u2019s birthday?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cUm \u2026 who? \u2018Daughter,\u2019 you say? Don\u2019t remember having one.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYes, you do. The pretty one? With the brown hair? The one who is, you know turning 15 and will be able to get her learner\u2019s permit to drive?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCan\u2019t hear you \u2026 still months away \u2026 don\u2019t need to think about that yet. Blah-blah-blah. Dog years!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh no, dear sir,\u201d they say. \u201cNot months \u2026 THIS month!!!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Eeeek!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
BOOM! BANG! CRASH! KABLOOEY!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s review: Birthday \u2026 turning 15 \u2026 end of THIS month \u2026 driving = fireball of death and\/or my insurance rates going to Pluto. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And 15? FIFTEEN!!??!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Can it be?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fifteen seems big for so many reasons: Proper teen years (unlike those phony 13s and 14s when they\u2019re just hitting their stride and learning from YouTube videos how to talk back.) Closer to college. Closer to moving out. Closer to the steering wheel, thanks to Florida\u2019s desire to give these little critters driving learner\u2019s permits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I mean, I knew it was happening. But I really do have no concept of time. My wife will tell you this. It frustrates her to no end. She asks me, \u201cSo, how long until we eat dinner?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I reply very confidently, \u201cIn exactly 45 minutes. The grill will be ready in 10 minutes, and the chicken will only take 13 minutes. So, no more than 60 minutes. Make sure you\u2019re ready on the dot!\u201d (She loves this.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Probably that, and me just blocking it out. All kept me from seeing how close this monumental milestone was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not to mention the whole driving thing has me a little freaked out now that it\u2019s right in front of me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I mean, a couple months ago, I was kind of in to the idea of my daughter learning to get behind the wheel. I pictured myself being chauffeured around in the back seat and yelling things like, \u201cReginald, take me to the liquor store for more bourbon!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
With it suddenly not just on the horizon, but staring up my nostrils, I\u2019m no longer so sure. People tell me all kinds of horror stories about their own experiences teaching their children to drive. How there isn\u2019t a single cliff in Florida, but somehow their kid found a way to drive off of one during their first jaunt behind the wheel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve started thinking about wide open fields and vacant parking lots to test her out. Climbing up in a tree with binoculars and a walkie-talkie to bark orders. When we went kayaking recently, I let her reach over from the passenger seat to steer while on a deserted dirt road. That went OK, but now she\u2019s asking to do that while driving down U.S. 1. NOT OK.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To make matters worse, and to inflict more pain, some driving school sent a \u201cFlorida Driver\u2019s License Handbook\u201d to our house addressed to \u201cThe Thompson Family (Parents and Teen).\u201d It said that! It should have said, \u201cParents, whose insurance rates are about to go sky high, and Teen, who can\u2019t even be trusted to get out of bed in the morning if previously mentioned Parents aren\u2019t there to yell, \u2018I\u2019m going to spray you with a garden hose if you don\u2019t at least move!\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe that\u2019s what we need: driver\u2019s school. Send the problem off to the professionals. Maybe they can then also cope with the idea of turning 15, and getting closer to college and moving out and all those other things that come with your kid reaching her \u201cproper\u201d teens. Goodness knows I\u2019m struggling with it. Not that I can remember when \u201cit\u201d is. I seem to recall it might be sometime next year, or at least months and months away. Maybe in dog years.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
All year long, it\u2019s been months away. Plenty of time to plan for it. To ponder its meaning and significance. To get myself mentally prepared. To decide how best to handle it. Or even avoid it. You know \u2026 how to make sure it NEVER happens. <\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s 11 months away. Plenty of time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot really thinking about it. We still have 8 months before that\u2019s an issue. An eternity in dog years!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSure it\u2019s coming, but it\u2019s still half a year from now. And I\u2019m able to put it out of my mind fairly easily \u2026 thanks to bourbon.\u201d<\/p>\n
And I would have successfully kept going like that if not for the ticking of time, and stubborn family members who keep asking: \u201cSo, Brian! What are you doing about your daughter\u2019s birthday?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUm \u2026 who? \u2018Daughter,\u2019 you say? Don\u2019t remember having one.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, you do. The pretty one? With the brown hair? The one who is, you know turning 15 and will be able to get her learner\u2019s permit to drive?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[576,561,8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2169","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2020-nutshells","category-family","category-parenthoodandchildren"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2169","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2169"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2169\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2171,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2169\/revisions\/2171"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2169"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2169"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2169"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}