Does anybody have any idea how any of this is supposed to go?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You know, back to school. Back to work. Back to the fall routine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Back to the manic morning shuffle. The back-to-school puzzle. How all the pieces fit together, interlocking in a chaotic ballet of furious activity and utter panic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When people scream, \u201cOh, the humanity!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And someone else screams back, \u201cThere\u2019s no time for \u2018humanity!\u2019 Forget your shoes and get in the car. Your school will be fine with bare feet.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Amidst this madness, I often think to myself that this must have been what it was like when the meteor took out the dinosaurs. Only, that was calmer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Like so many households across the country, mine is beginning the post-summer migration back to school. In our house, there are lots of different schools to return to. I work and teach at a college. That\u2019s ONE. My wife is a pre-school teacher. That\u2019s TWO. And my daughter is going into her sophomore year of high school. That makes THREE. THREE different schools!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
HOORAY!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And amongst us, we can\u2019t find a soul who can remember how this whole gig works.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because, in our defense, there hasn\u2019t been anything resembling \u201cnormal\u201d in a very long time. Last fall was pretty much a wash thanks to COVID, and then anything before that feels like it was back in 1886. (Then I think it was OK to get dropped off in your bare feet.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How do you transition a lollygagging summer house back to school-time mania?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Like school supplies. Do they still do that? I have no idea what high school sophomores need. I barely know how to carry on a conversation or not get hit with a pillow when I walk into her room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The older your child gets, the less you worry about their back-to-school supplies. It used to be a military-like operation with long checklists and scout missions to search for colored pencils or binders adorned with kittens. But now, we sweep everything off her desk into a backpack and call it \u201cresourceful\u201d or \u201cenvironmentally-friendly.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou got a pencil?\u201d I asked her the other day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSomewhere,\u201d she replied. \u201cBut the eraser is gone, and since there\u2019s no sharpener in the house, I had to gnaw the wood down with my teeth. Is that toxic?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNot if you can draw breath afterward,\u201d I said. \u201cNow, here\u2019s some Christmas wrapping paper to use as a notepad.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The other hang-up in our house is thanks to the animals. SO MANY ANIMALS!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A cat who needs to be found and kicked out. Two chickens who are demanding food by banging concrete blocks together. A dog who needs a walk, but has decided that my need for haste shall be matched by her need for sloth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The dog has no concept of what it means to be in a rush. That\u2019s just not in their DNA. (Unless it\u2019s dinner time.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And in my haste and impatience, I can\u2019t seem to understand that the more I curse and growl and say things like, \u201cFor Pete\u2019s sake, pee already!\u201d just makes her think she\u2019s in trouble (she is!) and that she has a bladder at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Oh, and here is the wonderful thing about animals: They can sense when you\u2019re stressed and in a hurry. They instinctively know when you\u2019re struggling. And thanks to this animalistic intuitiveness, they know just the right thing to do: Like throw-up multiple times! Because, yeah, we have time to deal with that. And they think, \u201cyou know what, I\u2019ll make it a scavenger hunt. So, they have to search all around the house for my special little spots.\u201d Nothing like cat vomit to take your mind off how you\u2019re running late for work or school.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My other struggle is trying to remember everything I need to do. Once I have a routine \u2013 a rhythm \u2013 I\u2019m in great shape. All I need is the step-by-step process, and then a little time to master it. But until I do, I stumble and bumble my way along. I forget important steps. Like getting half way to my daughter\u2019s school and realizing she\u2019s not in the back seat. (The dog is there, for some reason. And there are frantic texts coming from my kid that say, \u201cYou left me AGAIN!?! I can\u2019t believe the state hasn\u2019t put me in foster care!!!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or I forgot to eat breakfast. Or shower. Or \u2026 PUT ON UNDERWEAR!!! How did I forget that? And why didn\u2019t anyone put it on the back-to-school checklist?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But we still have a few more days to get it together. We all do. Time for running drills. Practicing routines. A few dry runs. Gathering supplies. Figuring out the cat\u2019s new hiding spot. And maybe even getting a tattoo on my forearm. It will read: \u201cDon\u2019t forget your daughter \u2026 or your underwear!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Does anybody have any idea how any of this is supposed to go? <\/p>\n
You know, back to school. Back to work. Back to the fall routine. <\/p>\n
Back to the manic morning shuffle. The back-to-school puzzle. How all the pieces fit together, interlocking in a chaotic ballet of furious activity and utter panic.<\/p>\n
When people scream, \u201cOh, the humanity!\u201d<\/p>\n
And someone else screams back, \u201cThere\u2019s no time for \u2018humanity!\u2019 Forget your shoes and get in the car. Your school will be fine with bare feet.\u201d<\/p>\n
Amidst this madness, I often think to myself that this must have been what it was like when the meteor took out the dinosaurs. Only, that was calmer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[578,561,8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2279","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2021-nutshells","category-family","category-parenthoodandchildren"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2279","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2279"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2279\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2281,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2279\/revisions\/2281"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2279"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2279"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2279"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}