\u201cYou realize your dad is turning 80, right?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My wife said it in such a way that it wasn\u2019t really a question. More of a statement. I sat on the sofa with a blank expression on my face. I mean, I was trying to watch TV. Probably YouTube. Videos with titles like, \u201c10 times when people did really dumb things.\u201d I did not see the irony. Or where she was going with this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For starters, I barely know how old I am. How am I supposed to remember my father\u2019s age?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did I know his birthday was coming up? On this one I was proud to say I did. Because my computer calendar saw to it that I don\u2019t forget. It was all set to remind me on when I should call him and say something thoughtful and profound, like: \u201cHappy birthday, dad! OK, gotta\u2019 go.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But my computer had no idea how old he was \u2013 what good are they?!? And if my wife was right, this was certainly going to change things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c\u2026 turning 80, right?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No, it can\u2019t be. He\u2019s not that old \u2026 is he? Parents aren\u2019t supposed to age. In my mind, he would forever be stuck somewhere in his mid-40s. Younger than I am now. His age during my middle-school years. Less gray hair. A bit trimmer. Don\u2019t we do that? Put our parents in some kind of state of suspended animation. Planted for perpetuity at a particular age. Forever fixed in our memories that way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He couldn\u2019t be 80. That would mean \u2026 he\u2019s OLD!!! And he\u2019s not old. He\u2019s just \u2026 wobblier. Like, maybe he drinks a lot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Only \u2026 yes, 80! He was definitely turning 80. And that could only mean \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
IT\u2019S TIME TO PANIC!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My wife, who likes to make sure that obvious things are put into context, continued: \u201cThat\u2019s a big deal, turning 80. Like a REALLY big deal. We have to do something for him. Something big. You know this, right? That we have to do something big? You have an idea, I hope?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is nice that my wife believes in me enough to think I might have an inkling of an idea. I think that\u2019s really special. I mean, it\u2019s completely wrong. Because, again, my birthday modus operandi is phone call and then go back to YouTube videos. This kind of thing was far out of my wheelhouse. And with less than a week to go, I was at a loss.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I did recall how we had discussed the need to do something to mark this milestone. That was months ago. Maybe even years. Who knows? COVID has our sense of time scrambled like eggs. I believe my exact reaction to the suggestion back then was: \u201cHe\u2019s not that old \u2026 is he? How about we put a pin in this until my computer reminder goes off.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
DING! Way to go!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe have to do something for him. Something big.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I texted my brother. \u201cYou know dad\u2019s turning 80, right? Nancy says we should do \u2018something big!\u2019 Any ideas?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He wrote back: \u201cWe could ship him some fruit. People from Kentucky love that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He lives in tropical Tampa, Fla. He\u2019s surrounded by fruit! And he probably hasn\u2019t eaten so much as a banana since 1963.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was beginning to feel like we were up-the-creek. The one thing I had going for me is that we\u2019ve never been big on birthdays in my family. Let\u2019s be honest: How important of a role did you play in your own birth? Your mother, the doctor and the nurses were doing all the work. You just threw a tantrum and made a big mess. Why should we celebrate you? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Luckily, my dad likes to keep things low-key. We settled on going down for a visit, grabbing some lunch and getting him a birthday cake. I notified him of this \u2026 in a text. \u201cWhat kind of cake do you want?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He wrote back, in this order (with the question marks included): \u201cCarrot cake? Red velvet cake? German Chocolate cake? Back up: chocolate cake with buttercream icing?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And in a followup text he added: \u201cAn alternative: I absolutely love pecan pies. Even Marie Callender\u2019s frozen ones are great.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was aghast. Just about all of this violated long-held birthday planning principles. You don\u2019t deviate from these. A birthday cake had to be round, plain on top — so there\u2019s room for acknowledging the hard work your mother and doctor did \u2013 and definitely NO PIES! I told him this. \u201cPecan pie is for the holidays, not birthdays. You get cake!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSorry,\u201d he replied. \u201cI thought it was MY birthday. Poor George! Never knew any of that. His family gets him an apple pie every year for his birthday.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No pecan pie! You get a real, genuine birthday cake with a candle on top. We\u2019ll probably sing to you, and you\u2019ll hate it. Then you have to blow out your candle. Whether you like it or not! That\u2019s the way it is. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We went down to Tampa. We had Korean takeout from a restaurant he wanted to try. We had a cake with blue icing and a single candle in it. (Eighty candles just posed too much of a fire hazard.) And against my better judgment, and all that the Code of Birthdays stands for, we got him a frozen Marie Callender\u2019s Southern Pecan Pie. Partially thawed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It wasn\u2019t bad on short notice, I thought. And somehow (unless he was lying) he seemed to think this was a perfect way to celebrate turning 80. No frills. No fuss. Just family. Being together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Still, I\u2019m going to tell my computer to remind me a little sooner before he hits 90. Don\u2019t want to mess that up again. (And I\u2019m also adding a note to pick up the frozen pecan pie.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cYou realize your dad is turning 80, right?\u201d<\/p>\n
My wife said it in such a way that it wasn\u2019t really a question. More of a statement. I sat on the sofa with a blank expression on my face. I mean, I was trying to watch TV. Probably YouTube. Videos with titles like, \u201c10 times when people did really dumb things.\u201d I did not see the irony. Or where she was going with this.<\/p>\n
For starters, I barely know how old I am. How am I supposed to remember my father\u2019s age? <\/p>\n
Did I know his birthday was coming up? On this one I was proud to say I did. Because my computer calendar saw to it that I don\u2019t forget. It was all set to remind me on when I should call him and say something thoughtful and profound, like: \u201cHappy birthday, dad! OK, gotta\u2019 go.\u201d<\/p>\n
But my computer had no idea how old he was \u2013 what good are they?!? And if my wife was right, this was certainly going to change things. <\/p>\n
\u201c\u2026 turning 80, right?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[578,561,557],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2287","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2021-nutshells","category-family","category-getting-old-er-older"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2287","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2287"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2287\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2288,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2287\/revisions\/2288"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2287"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2287"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2287"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}