I have achieved my life\u2019s long dream. No, that\u2019s not exactly true. My life\u2019s long dream is to hike mountains all day long. Or to invent hip extenders, so pants sit on my waist better. Or to not have permanently stuffed-up sinuses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yeah. I go big!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, if not my dream, I have achieved one of my long-simmering goals. Aspirations. White whales. Something I have been trying to achieve since pretty much the fall of the Roman empire. Always to fail. Always to come up short. Always to lose interest and try to come up with that hip extender thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I have finally done it. I have become \u2026 a morning runner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because for most of my life I\u2019ve been an afternoon runner. One of those people who comes home from work tired and thinks the idea of going for a run is second only to having a tree sloth clip your ingrown toenails. It\u2019s also the time of day when the fridge calls to you and says in a sing-song fashion, \u201cYou know, I\u2019ve got cold beer.\u201d And you think, \u201cWho needs willpower, good health or to be in shape? My shape is awesome. I\u2019m kind of bulge-ie and pear-shaped. Like a modernist painting of a sack of potatoes! LET\u2019S DRINK BEER!!!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I always dreamed of transitioning to morning runs. When the beer is less tempting, the temperatures don\u2019t threaten to melt the clothes off your back and you can start your day totally exhausted and wanting to go back to bed. Doesn\u2019t that sound refreshing?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I could never manage it. To overcome the need to hit the snooze button 50 or 60,000 times. The way the pillow seemed to whisper sweet nothings into my ear: \u201cYou are a really awesome-looking, pear-shaped man. Stay here with me.\u201d How the idea of running in the morning sounded really good in the evening \u2013 when you were drinking beer \u2013 and a lot more like a tree sloth fixing your toenails when it was time to do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I read an article that changed it all. It said the best way to begin something new like running is to add it to your morning regimen. You know, build it into your daily routine. For instance, if every morning around 5:15 a.m. one of your animals wakes you up, and you commence yelling at the animal and calling it a \u201ccursed, mangey scourge\u201d before feeding it and making coffee and wondering if you dropped the animal off on a country road, would it get eaten by a badger? Well, then just make your next step to go running.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And if you do that same routine for a couple of weeks \u2026 Voila! You\u2019re a morning runner \u2026 partly thanks to your mangey animal, which you\u2019re now glad you didn\u2019t feed to the country badger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Only, dreams and better health aside, I\u2019m finding there are some drawbacks to morning running. Like how it\u2019s really dark outside. I mean like SCARY dark. Scare-the-pee-out-of-you dark. Shadows creeping all around you. Weird animals that could be Chupacabras \u2013 or badgers \u2013 everywhere. And potholes!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At my advanced age, I have the night vision of a blind cave gecko. The kind that don\u2019t even bother to have eyes. I run around with two hands extended in front of me hoping I don\u2019t crash into a tree or run into the road.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Most of the time I can\u2019t see 3 feet in front of me. Other runners suddenly emerge out of the darkness like phantoms. They can\u2019t see either, so we crash into each other. \u201cSorry,\u201d I tell them. \u201cI\u2019m just a morning-running cave gecko.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMe, too,\u201d they say. \u201cWatch out ahead. I saw a Chupacabra!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I stumble over curbs. I misjudge and tumble over things that were never an issue during the daytime. And I misstep so awkwardly into the dips of unlevel sidewalks that I fear I\u2019ve hyperextended an entire side of my body. Plus, several teeth have rattled loose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When it\u2019s all over, I\u2019m so mentally and psychologically drained that I curl up on the back porch and sob hysterically. \u201cWhy did I do this to myself!?!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But then the other morning, walking back up my street as the sun started peaking over the trees, I glimpsed up to see wings as wide as the street. It swooped low. An owl. It landed on top of a power pole. I stopped to watch it. No sooner than I did, another one landed beside it. They stood perched face-to-face, softly cooing at each other. Like a private conversation. \u201cHow was your night? How do you think the stock market is gonna\u2019 hold up? Did you see the Chupacabra?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It wasn\u2019t so scary anymore. Suddenly, it all seemed worth it. The potholes. The hyperextended left side of my body. The scary truck that almost ran me over. All of it. The gift of finally being a morning runner. I realized how lucky I was. To see this. To experience it. To be alive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then the cat came over and demanded second breakfast, and it was back to my regular morning routine. (I wonder where the nearest country road is, anyway.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I have achieved my life\u2019s long dream. No, that\u2019s not exactly true. My life\u2019s long dream is to hike mountains all day long. Or to invent hip extenders, so pants sit on my waist better. Or to not have permanently stuffed-up sinuses. <\/p>\n
Yeah. I go big!<\/p>\n
So, if not my dream, I have achieved one of my long-simmering goals. Aspirations. White whales. Something I have been trying to achieve since pretty much the fall of the Roman empire. Always to fail. Always to come up short. Always to lose interest and try to come up with that hip extender thing. <\/p>\n
But I have finally done it. I have become \u2026 a morning runner. <\/p>\n
Because for most of my life I\u2019ve been an afternoon runner. One of those people who comes home from work tired and thinks the idea of going for a run is second only to having a tree sloth clip your ingrown toenails. It\u2019s also the time of day when the fridge calls to you and says in a sing-song fashion, \u201cYou know, I\u2019ve got cold beer.\u201d And you think, \u201cWho needs willpower, good health or to be in shape? My shape is awesome. I\u2019m kind of bulge-ie and pear-shaped. Like a modernist painting of a sack of potatoes! LET\u2019S DRINK BEER!!!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[578,570],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2307","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2021-nutshells","category-running"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2307","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2307"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2307\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2308,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2307\/revisions\/2308"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2307"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2307"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2307"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}