<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The text message thread is the modern-day equivalent of a ship\u2019s log \u2013 a break-down of everything that happens as you record information, offer updates and make cries for help. It can capture moments in time, like when your dad comes up and your brother plots an elaborate, meandering adventure to see a number of \u201chistorical\u201d outdoor sights \u2026 the same weekend a Nor\u2019easter roars in with King Tides and the lowest temperatures of the year. Outdoors? Yeah, makes sense! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And off you troop, against common sense, with his 8-year-old son and your 15-year-old daughter. Your wife is back at base camp getting regular reports \u2026 and wondering when she should send out the search party. Here is a word-for-word transcript of that ill-fated adventure: \u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: We have made it to Flagler Beach. Crossed flooding, traveled through heavy winds and rain, and almost lost a man to a gas station donut that must have been 3 months old. We\u2019re now looking at crashing waves on the beach. Not sure what our plan is. We may go to Ponce Inlet Lighthouse and then see some Native American shell mounds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nancy: WHAT?!!! I thought you were going to a museum because the weather was so bad and it was inside?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: Yes. My brother, it turns out, is a raging liar. That was his ploy to get us out in the middle of a Nor\u2019easter. He should probably run a con-man shell game. He would make gobs of money. I may have to go. His son\u2019s jacket puffed up in the wind and he\u2019s being blown over the dunes like a kite.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nancy: OK. What time do you think you\u2019ll be back?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: Two at the latest. I\u2019m already working on excuses to get back home. BTW do you know how to fake typhoid symptoms?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nancy: Always an uncharted adventure with that crew.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: Yep. But Amelie is having fun. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nancy: Are you having fun too?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: That depends on whether your idea of fun is being caught in a bear trap. Right now, I\u2019m praying that the Lord shows me to the nearest liquor store.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nancy: OK. Good luck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: [Sends picture of daughter climbing lighthouse steps with 8-year-old nephew.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nancy: Looks like she\u2019s having fun. What time do you think you\u2019ll be home? Your mom thinks you should not plan to come back until 3 because of all the flooding downtown. A car got stuck on Riberia Street. She called the police to request barricades and was told they are all out because downtown streets are flooded. She told them she will make her own. The water is up to the trash cans in front of her garage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: OK. Probably won\u2019t be back until about 3 now. We are at lunch at some sea shanty eating by the water.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nancy: You are eating outside?!? Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: Because we\u2019re a pack of idiots. And why sit under the nice covered area where the heaters are when you can sit out by the water freezing your bippy off? We\u2019re eating bang bang shrimp. Who orders bang bang shrimp!?!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nancy: ???<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: Never mind \u2026 I\u2019m very cold and I\u2019ve developed a cough that sounds like I\u2019m busting granite with a sledgehammer. I\u2019m starting to hate these people. We\u2019re going to a Native American shell mound now and then headed back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nancy: OK. Do you think you\u2019re still gonna\u2019 want everyone to get together for dinner tonight?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: Hell no!!! These people are nuts. They eat bang bang shrimp!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nancy: OK<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: [Sends picture of daughter walking up some kind of mound.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nancy: Is that the main thing you guys were talking about seeing?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: I\u2019m thinking yes. It is not nearly as exciting as he makes it out. But the weather has improved, it\u2019s a good little hike and right now I\u2019m mercifully all by myself while Scott gives a lecture. So \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nancy: You make me laugh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: That wasn\u2019t a joke! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nancy: Please text when you head back<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: OK. We are hitting Bongoland on the way. I\u2019m guessing 4 now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nancy: What\u2019s \u201cBongoland?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: As best I can tell it\u2019s some kind of 1950s tourist attraction that is now a park. There are supposed to be ruins of large concrete dinosaurs to look at.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nancy: What do dinosaurs have to do with bongos?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: !!!!!!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nancy: OK<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: Stupid Bongoland had a wedding, so that didn\u2019t pan out. Scott was very mad. He wanted to have words with the bride and groom. We\u2019re now driving through Daytona going to some other thing on the way back. He won\u2019t tell us what. It\u2019s a \u201csurprise.\u201d What\u2019s the emoji for sarcasm \u2026 or \u201cmy brother is a bang bang shrimp?\u201d I\u2019ll keep you posted. Looks like probably 5 at earliest now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nancy: OK.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: He\u2019s taken us to some state park. There is a big gaudy statue he wanted to show us. He thinks it\u2019s the ugliest, most awful thing he\u2019s ever seen, and he just loves it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nancy: OK. That\u2019s weird. What is your ETA?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: No idea. I\u2019ve given up all hope. I don\u2019t think we\u2019ll ever return. Go on with your life. Re-marry. Prosper. Share this with the world so they know not to make the same mistakes I have. Oh no \u2026 I have to go \u2026 he wants to take us to see some old-timey sugar mill \u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The text message thread is the modern-day equivalent of a ship\u2019s log \u2013 a break-down of everything that happens as you record information, offer updates and make cries for help. It can capture moments in time, like when your dad comes up and your brother plots an elaborate, meandering adventure to see a number of \u201chistorical\u201d outdoor sights \u2026 the same weekend a Nor\u2019easter roars in with King Tides and the lowest temperatures of the year. Outdoors? Yeah, makes sense! And off you troop, against common sense, with his 8-year-old son and your 15-year-old daughter. Your wife is back at base camp getting regular reports \u2026 and wondering when she should send out the search party. Here is a word-for-word transcript of that ill-fated adventure: <\/p>\n
Me: We have made it to Flagler Beach. Crossed flooding, traveled through heavy winds and rain, and almost lost a man to a gas station donut that must have been 3 months old. We\u2019re now looking at crashing waves on the beach. Not sure what our plan is. We may go to Ponce Inlet Lighthouse and then see some Native American shell mounds. <\/p>\n
Nancy: WHAT?!!! I thought you were going to a museum because the weather was so bad and it was inside? <\/p>\n
Me: Yes. My brother, it turns out, is a raging liar. That was his ploy to get us out in the middle of a Nor\u2019easter. He should probably run a con-man shell game. He would make gobs of money. I may have to go. His son\u2019s jacket puffed up in the wind and he\u2019s being blown over the dunes like a kite. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[578,561,558,565],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2320","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2021-nutshells","category-family","category-florida","category-travel"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2320","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2320"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2320\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2323,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2320\/revisions\/2323"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2320"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2320"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2320"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}