Technology, you\u2019re a rotten little devil. Not most of the time. Often, you\u2019re good and helpful and make the world a better place. Like watching cat videos on Tik-Tok.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But when you go wrong \u2013 like the other day when my computer died at work \u2013 you go WAY wrong!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It makes me long for a simpler time. When technology was less-advanced, but a lot easier to fix.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or, it makes me wish that with all of its vast power and ability, tech could at least solve some of its own problems. Instead of always asking me to do it. Computers can crunch numbers with incredible sophistication. Pull up information from any part of the world in seconds. Display in incredible detail the depths of the known universe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But the minute it has an issue, it starts spitting out non-sensical jibber-jabber in the form of tech-jargon and codes that require ME to look them up. Never remembering that IT is the designated searcher of information in the family. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s absurd, isn\u2019t it? Like going to the doctor and he takes his shirt off and asks, \u201cDo you mind looking at this mole? It\u2019s turning black. Does it look serious?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How would I know!?! You\u2019re the expert! I\u2019m here for you to look at MY mole!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When my Windows-based computer crashes, it gets a blue screen with a sideways unhappy face \u2013 \ud83d\ude41<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Translation: It\u2019s sad!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To me, it looks like a dead frog that\u2019s been runover by a car. The whole scene is called \u201cthe blue screen of death.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t know why they picked that benign, almost-pleasant shade of blue. Or that sarcastic, phony frown. It\u2019s pure evil. Better would have been a black screen with red flames and an animated devil laughing: \u201cMUHAHAHAHA! Your sensitive, un-backed-up files are all mine! MUHAHAHAHA!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s a sense of urgency and doom I can appreciate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But the not blue screen of death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you ever get one, you\u2019ll notice at the bottom there is a scannable QR code and a cryptic error message. It reads like some kind of riddle from \u201cThe Lord of the Rings\u201d: Non-maskable Interrupt. Overflow Trap. Not Present Fault. Putrid Dragon Breath.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It ought to say, \u201cSorry \u2026 went poopie in my pants.\u201d At least that would be more honest. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The blue screen is helpful in the same way a random stranger who randomly comments, \u201cLooks like the weather is a\u2019 turnin\u2019, eh?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No, it doesn\u2019t look like that! What does that even mean?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The blue screen does mention that, \u201cYou can search for the error online.\u201d Which you could do if: A) Your computer \u2013 the one advising you to search for its own error \u2013 wasn\u2019t broken, and B) it hadn\u2019t notified you it is about to reboot and offers up a counter of how long before it does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Oh, the code wasn\u2019t a riddle. It was a challenge! Can you find your phone to scan the code, or a pen to copy down the error message, before the computer reboots?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
OMG \u2026 SCRAMBLE, SCRAMBLE, SCRAMBLE!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s like being Indiana Jones and poison darts are about to shoot out of the walls. You\u2019re looking everywhere for your phone. You\u2019re slashing at papers and mail on your desk in search of a pen. You\u2019re seriously considering stabbing your finger so you can use blood to write on the wall. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Since it\u2019s my work computer, I get the shame and embarrassment of having to share this with the tech folks. Because when I tell them I got a \u201cblue screen of death,\u201d they will inevitably ask: \u201cDid you get the code?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo, I didn\u2019t get the code! I forgot my phone was in my pocket. I haven\u2019t had a working pen on my desk since Bill Clinton was in office. It rebooted too fast.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh man, that\u2019s a shame,\u201d they say. \u201cDo you remember what it said? Otherwise there\u2019s not much I can do.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDo I remember what it said?!? No, I don\u2019t remember what it said! It was something about \u2018dragon breath\u2019 and \u2018overflow faults.\u2019 I wasn\u2019t paying attention because the stupid dead frog was really making me mad.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Good tech guys can spot the onset of Computer Derangement Syndrome \u2013 when the human body loses all control and begins tossing electronics out the window. This guy was just about to bail when the blue screen of death popped back up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We looked at each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
SCRAMBLE, SCRAMBLE, SCRAMBLE!!! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We fumbled for our phones. We tried to find a pen. I used a pair of scissors to carve the code into my desk. Anything to beat the timer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019ve never been here when the screen actually pops up,\u201d he said, excited. \u201cMost of the time I just figure people are lying.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut what does it mean?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh that,\u201d he replied. \u201cOh yeah, your computer\u2019s toast. Gonna\u2019 need a new one. But as long as you\u2019ve been backing up all your files, you\u2019ll be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In tears, weeping over the loss, feeling like a runover frog, I dropped my head into my hands. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMUHAHAHAHA!\u201d the digital devil laughed. \u201cYou\u2019ll never watch cat videos again.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Technology, you\u2019re a rotten little devil. Not most of the time. Often, you\u2019re good and helpful and make the world a better place. Like watching cat videos on Tik-Tok. <\/p>\n
But when you go wrong \u2013 like the other day when my computer died at work \u2013 you go WAY wrong!<\/p>\n
It makes me long for a simpler time. When technology was less-advanced, but a lot easier to fix. <\/p>\n
Or, it makes me wish that with all of its vast power and ability, tech could at least solve some of its own problems. Instead of always asking me to do it. Computers can crunch numbers with incredible sophistication. Pull up information from any part of the world in seconds. Display in incredible detail the depths of the known universe. <\/p>\n
But the minute it has an issue, it starts spitting out non-sensical jibber-jabber in the form of tech-jargon and codes that require ME to look them up. Never remembering that IT is the designated searcher of information in the family. <\/p>\n
It\u2019s absurd, isn\u2019t it? Like going to the doctor and he takes his shirt off and asks, \u201cDo you mind looking at this mole? It\u2019s turning black. Does it look serious?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[579,559],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2362","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2022-nutshells","category-technology"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2362","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2362"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2362\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2363,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2362\/revisions\/2363"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2362"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2362"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2362"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}