Could it be my mother really isn\u2019t faking? That she\u2019s not crazy, but just afflicted with the serious disease known as eccentricity-itis?
\n
\nYou\u2019ve seen it on Oprah: That\u2019s when you can\u2019t stop yourself from being strange, unusual and unique, despite the horrible embarrassment it causes family, or the head-scratching it induces in perfect strangers. People with such an affliction have the knack for walking up to anyone on the street and saying things like, \u201cDid you know one of your knee caps is larger than the other?\u201d or \u201cI knew we were going to have a bad hurricane season because the tangerine tree got a fungus.\u201d<\/p>\n
People can\u2019t believe anyone would say things like this and instead think they\u2019re on \u201cCandid Camera.\u201d <\/p>\n
Could it be eccentricity-itis? It would explain so much, like why, when she came to visit last weekend, the first words out of her mouth were, \u201cBrian, you\u2019re getting a big belly, just like your brother!\u201d<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a plague of saying anything, and I mean ANYTHING, that wanders into your head, demanding to be free. <\/p>\n
It set a bad tone for the weekend, but I trudged on, sucking in my stomach the whole time. Thanks, mom.<\/p>\n
We went to lunch at Athena, the Greek restaurant. Want to have fun with a woman who doesn\u2019t understand simple things like, say, how to pronounce \u201cCD,\u201d then take her to a Greek restaurant. Someone orders a lamb souvlaki and it has her all confused: \u201cDid you just order a Governor Pataki?\u201d she says. The rest of lunch is spent explaining how, from history to contents, souvlaki differs from a gyro. <\/p>\n
And on like this it goes. <\/p>\n
People with eccentricity-itis make seemingly contradictory statements to their children \u2026 in the same breath. \u201cBrian, you better stop running or it\u2019s going to ruin your knees,\u201d she said to me before turning to my brother to tell him, \u201cScott, why don\u2019t you get back into running?\u201d<\/p>\n
These poor souls are also notoriously bad drivers.<\/p>\n
After one ride, my wife refused to be a passenger in her car anymore. <\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d my mother asked. \u201cI\u2019ve never directly caused a car accident, and on those two speeding tickets, I was either framed or entrapped by the police. I\u2019m really a very safe driver.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nancy snickered. <\/p>\n
\u201c I get car sick when I ride with you,\u201d she told her. \u201cYou drive 100 mph down the street, and then you just stop. For no reason! And then you take off again. One time it was so bad, I thought I was having a seizure!\u201d<\/p>\n
Eccentricity-itis sufferers love to make someone\u2019s point for them. <\/p>\n
\u201cI am not a bad driver,\u201d my mother proclaimed. A moment later she was streaking by our house, totally oblivious about where she was. This pointed out, she screeched to a halt, threw it into reverse and nearly took out a light pole. <\/p>\n
Eccentricity-itis sufferers are totally afraid of bridges, too. Driving to Jacksonville to look at cribs and baby furniture, we got lost on the Arlington Expressway. A bridge the size of Mt. Killimanjaro loomed ahead. <\/p>\n
\u201cBrian, you better turn off before we get there,\u201d she shouted, just to add her two cents to the confusion of the situation. <\/p>\n
Hard as I tried \u2014 and I did try \u2014 I didn\u2019t make it. <\/p>\n
Her fate sealed, and the bridge approaching, her face turned the color of plaster. <\/p>\n
\u201cThen you better crash this car because I am not going over that thing.\u201d<\/p>\n
But yes she was. She gripped the car, her claws sinking deep into the upholstery like a cat on the way to the vet. Just barely we made it over, and I mean just barely. <\/p>\n
This is the way she is \u2014 who she is. I\u2019ll accept that. One day there might be a cure, but for now, she\u2019s my mom, and I\u2019m coming to terms with the fact that I will have to deal with her eccentricities and all. So be it. But I just wish she could once in a while hold back a few of those things that pop into her head and scream to be free. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Could it be my mother really isn\u2019t faking? That she\u2019s not crazy, but just afflicted with the serious disease known as eccentricity-itis?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-25","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=25"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=25"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=25"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=25"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}