You have got to be kidding me.<\/p>\n
Did the front page of the paper really say it? Hurricane season starts in less than two weeks. Did my eyes deceive me?<\/p>\n
We just went through hurricane season, the worst we\u2019ve ever known, and it nearly separated our great state from the mainland. We just barely survived, and now there\u2019s another one coming? Don\u2019t we get a rest? A get out of jail free pass? <\/p>\n
We get nothing, accept the chance to buy more bottled water, potted meat and assorted knickknacks we don\u2019t need. You ever stock up on D batteries, only to sit around in the dark with your head in your hands because you don\u2019t have anything to use them in?<\/p>\n
A year later, they\u2019re still in the pantry, leaking battery acid all over your wife\u2019s favorite embroidered napkins \u2014 the ones passed down from a great aunt in Denmark.
\nSo we\u2019ll do it all over again. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 and put the big bullseye back on your roof that reads, \u201cHurricane parking, $5.\u201d<\/p>\n
While the heart of the season is still months off, the predictions don\u2019t look good. The story I read said 12 to 15 tropical storms with maybe seven to nine becoming hurricanes. At least two are expected to team up and charge through the Atlantic like twin buzzsaws, one will learn how to rain fire and another is expected to be rabid with a case of measles.<\/p>\n
My prediction is that seven storms, and a squaw, will hit Florida, and by the time it\u2019s over, the state will be shaped like a squashed toad and we will be demoted from state to landfill. <\/p>\n
Not to be a pessimist, but I know it\u2019s going to be a bad season. There\u2019s one simple reason: my yard looks great. I don\u2019t need the National Hurricane Center or computer models to predict storm activity or how many tropical waves will come off Africa. My bougainvillea is blooming, and it never has since I\u2019ve planted it. That can\u2019t be good.<\/p>\n
Peruse your own yard if you don\u2019t believe me. Are plants that have never flowered suddenly looking like they\u2019re juiced on steroids? Are neighbors complimenting your yard, and no longer saying things like, \u201cWow, that\u2019s handsome dirt\u201d or \u201cHave you considered asphalt?\u201d<\/p>\n
Is the grass growing? Are the trees nice and trimmed? Is everything as it should be, like a fairy tale, brimming with flowers and butterflies and singing frogs?<\/p>\n
Then we\u2019re doomed!<\/p>\n
Yards know \u2014 they\u2019re vegetative predictors. A good looking yard means either hurricanes, drought or freezes are on the way, and sometimes all three. <\/p>\n
It\u2019s a final gasp of glory, an explosion of color and extravagant vegetation in a big raucous party, all before the winds come and scatter it to Alabama. Enjoy it now. <\/p>\n
That said, I\u2019m getting ready this year. No goofing off. No partial planning and perennial procrastinating. <\/p>\n
In an old house where the roof is attached by tape and the critters who live in the attic have the good sense to get out and flee as a storm approaches, it\u2019s nerve-racking and I want to be prepared. <\/p>\n
I learned some valuable lessons last year. Like how handy a gas grill and a freezer full of frozen, catalog-bought steaks can be. My neighbors taught me that, and they\u2019re Yankees. <\/p>\n
Hurricane supplies should not be a six-pack of mini-Cokes, a peanut M&M found between the cushions of the sofa and a slightly-dry moist towelette. That\u2019s for a week-long road trip, not a natural disaster. <\/p>\n
So I\u2019m preparing \u2014 getting ready to gas the car and board up the windows. I suggest you do, too. And if you don\u2019t believe me, come on over and have a talk with my bougainvillea. He\u2019ll set you straight. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
You have got to be kidding me. Did the front page of the paper really say it? Hurricane season starts in less than two weeks. Did my eyes deceive me? We just went through hurricane season, the worst we\u2019ve ever known, and it nearly separated our great state from the mainland. We just barely survived, and now there\u2019s another one coming? Don\u2019t we get a rest? A get out of jail free pass? We get nothing, accept the chance to buy more bottled water, potted meat and assorted knickknacks we don\u2019t need. You ever stock up on D batteries, only to sit around in the dark with your head in your hands because you don\u2019t have anything to use them in? A year later, they\u2019re still in the pantry, leaking battery acid all over your wife\u2019s favorite embroidered napkins \u2014 the ones passed down from a great aunt in Denmark. So we\u2019ll do it all over again. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 and put the big bullseye back on your roof that reads, \u201cHurricane parking, $5.\u201d While the heart of the season is still months off, the predictions don\u2019t look good. The story I read said 12 to 15 tropical storms with maybe seven to nine becoming hurricanes. At least two are expected to team up and charge through the Atlantic like twin buzzsaws, one will learn how to rain fire and another is expected to be rabid with a case of measles. My prediction is that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-38","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=38"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=38"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=38"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=38"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}