A week-old letter to my wife on the pinkest holiday of them all.<\/p>\n
Dear Sweet Pea, <\/p>\n
Happy Valentine\u2019s Day. I know you are a big observer of this holiday, and you\u2019re shackled to a man who likens it to being pitched off a cliff into a field of sandspurs, or worse, having his toenails clipped by a badger. <\/p>\n
But, learning to recognize fights I can\u2019t win after 7 years of marriage, I give in and send you Valentine\u2019s Day wishes. All the best. God\u2019s speed. May the wind be at your back and the sun never set. All the typical loving and romantic things Valentine\u2019s cards usually wish. <\/p>\n
This isn\u2019t to say I understand the holiday. Oh, to the contrary. I still find it horribly irresponsible, and that\u2019s saying a lot coming from a guy like me. But how, as a society, can we possibly condone giving a bow and arrow to a little baby named Cupid? My brother and I each had a bow and arrow when we were kids, and family members quickly realized how foolish a decision that was when their car tires went flat and we almost pierced a neighbor\u2019s ear by accident one day. <\/p>\n
And even worse, we actually allow this little baby archer to run around and shoot people? Uh, hello! Maybe rob from the rich and give to the poor, but don\u2019t be shooting people. <\/p>\n
Alas, I won\u2019t discount a holiday because its symbols are a bit violent. <\/p>\n
But a little explanation: My dislike of Valentine\u2019s Day probably stems from my days spent at the all-boys Academy of the Holy Names in Tampa. Do you know what it\u2019s like to be a fourth grader required to give out Valentine\u2019s to your schoolhood chums? And Valentine\u2019s cards that read something like: \u201cJohn, on this day I want to express my dearest love for you. Your secret admirer, Brian.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ouch! <\/p>\n
But, that aside, I do want to take a moment to impress upon you your importance in my life \u2026 for who else is going to make me take out the garbage. Ha ha! A joke. Just kidding. <\/p>\n
You see, and you\u2019ve probably noticed this, a guy like me is not so easy to live with. (In fact, a guy like me is lucky to even have a woman who speaks to him.) Sure, it would be easier to get a herd of elephants to do laundry than me. And sure, you can still see the outside world through holes in the walls of our house that I haven\u2019t patched. But the reason I don\u2019t do these things is so I will have more time to devote to loving you. It\u2019s true!<\/p>\n
Yes, I know I don\u2019t come off as a romantic guy. But that\u2019s the irony. Deep down, I\u2019m Mr. Romance. I just don\u2019t show it. Deep down, I shower you with kisses, buy you roses until federal law makes me stop and worship the ground you walk on, even if it\u2019s a cow pasture. Granted, that\u2019s only in my imagination and I would never do these things in real life, but doesn\u2019t it feel good just knowing that I want to? You must be swooning right now, so sit down for a moment. <\/p>\n
And I guess I don\u2019t show it because society frowns upon it. I blame football. Football and beer commercials. If not for that, I\u2019d be a different man. I\u2019d be the kind of romantic guy every girl dreams about. I would probably grow my hair long, start riding horses without a shirt on and say things like, \u201cMi Amor, would you like more mashed potatoes with your pork chops?\u201d<\/p>\n
Oh, if I only I was that man. (Sigh)<\/p>\n
Anyway, just thought I would take the time to express my undying love here on this very special holiday that I can\u2019t appreciate, or stand. May it truly be wonderful, but if I see that little kid with the bow and arrow, I\u2019m calling the cops. <\/p>\n
Love, <\/p>\n
Brian<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A week-old letter to my wife on the pinkest holiday of them all. Dear Sweet Pea, Happy Valentine\u2019s Day. I know you are a big observer of this holiday, and you\u2019re shackled to a man who likens it to being pitched off a cliff into a field of sandspurs, or worse, having his toenails clipped by a badger. But, learning to recognize fights I can\u2019t win after 7 years of marriage, I give in and send you Valentine\u2019s Day wishes. All the best. God\u2019s speed. May the wind be at your back and the sun never set. All the typical loving and romantic things Valentine\u2019s cards usually wish. This isn\u2019t to say I understand the holiday. Oh, to the contrary. I still find it horribly irresponsible, and that\u2019s saying a lot coming from a guy like me. But how, as a society, can we possibly condone giving a bow and arrow to a little baby named Cupid? My brother and I each had a bow and arrow when we were kids, and family members quickly realized how foolish a decision that was when their car tires went flat and we almost pierced a neighbor\u2019s ear by accident one day. And even worse, we actually allow this little baby archer to run around and shoot people? Uh, hello! Maybe rob from the rich and give to the poor, but don\u2019t be shooting people. Alas, I won\u2019t discount a holiday because its symbols are a bit violent. But a little explanation: My […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-43","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=43"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=43"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=43"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=43"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}