Is nothing sacred anymore? Apparently not. Now, I\u2019m not na\u00efve. I understand the world is run by money, marketing and the consumption of Cheese Doodles. But I want it to be about something more meaningful. <\/p>\n
Not people selling the rights to their names on eBay. eBay, that part circus, part flea market where people sell everything from Aunt Nelly\u2019s gnome collection to body parts. <\/p>\n
Now the new fad seems to be people auctioning off names, as Matthew Jean Rouse is doing. <\/p>\n
Matthew Jean, a 31-year-old father of two, doesn\u2019t like his middle name. According to The Associated Press, he wants to let someone in the general public give him a new one, and he\u2019s asking big bucks for it. As of press time, someone who doesn\u2019t understand the value of money has bid $2,175.<\/p>\n
“If he wants to walk around with ‘Fool’ as his middle name, that’s his problem,” Rouse’s wife told AP. “If someone changes his name to ‘Poophead,’ he may decide it’s a little more important than he thought.”<\/p>\n
I hope someone does name him \u201cPoophead.\u201d I hope someone names him \u201cchicken legs\u201d or \u201cstinky behind.\u201d I hope someone names him \u201cslap me.\u201d<\/p>\n
There comes a point where you go too far, and Matthew Lugnut Rouse has reached it.<\/p>\n
Terry Iligan, a 33-year-old mother of five from Knoxville (a place that I would now recommend not drinking the water), sold her entire name on eBay for $15,199. You can officially call her \u201cGoldenPalace.com,\u201d after the online casino. GoldenPalace.com, you may recall \u2014 if you have the amount of spare time that I obviously have \u2014 is the same company that bought a temporary tattoo on a pregnant woman\u2019s belly for $8,800, a grilled cheese sandwich with the image of the Virgin Mary on it for $28,000, and a guy running for governor of Ohio for $900.<\/p>\n
If a grilled cheese sandwich sells for 28 grand, and a potential governor can\u2019t even sell for a thousand, what does that say about Ohio?<\/p>\n
I digress and mix-up my point, which is: How can you change your name to Goldenpalace.com! What will your kids say? How will it sound when they call you in at the doctor\u2019s office? Does that make \u201c.com\u201d your last name?<\/p>\n
As the good former journalist that I am, I did some research and found quite a few people on eBay trying to sell their names, many with varying degrees of success. <\/p>\n
Poor Joshua Graves, who has never had a middle name, just wanted someone to pick one for him \u2026 at a starting bid of $750. Alas, no one had put in a single bid. Joshua, you\u2019re middle name is \u201cGoofledanger.\u201d<\/p>\n
Another guy was offering the rights to rename his dog\u2019s middle name. The dog\u2019s current name is \u201cBuddy Lee Sutherland.\u201d Two bids so far, and the high bid is $1.25. The shipping costs, and I don\u2019t understand this, are $1. Good luck Buddy Lee. I hope they don\u2019t pick \u201cDuddy\u201d or \u201cGot Snipped.\u201d<\/p>\n
I never found Mr. Rouse\u2019s auction, so maybe he\u2019s already sold to the highest bidder. Maybe his wife got it and he\u2019s now \u201cMatthew Clean the Dang Garage or You\u2019re Living Out There Rouse.\u201d<\/p>\n
But what is this world coming to? Is nothing sacred anymore? Shoot, once upon a time, people went out and got tattoos of skulls and crossbones, sleazy women and sayings like, \u201cI just beat up your kid brother.\u201d<\/p>\n
Now they sell those rights to companies who want to tattoo their brand on them. <\/p>\n
People are taking on names like Taco Palace and Honey\u2019s House of Chicken. It\u2019s a strange world out there and it seems like everything that can be sold is up for sale. It\u2019s a sad, sad time in America, and I\u2019m ashamed. <\/p>\n
—<\/p>\n
This column brought to you by Eddie\u2019s Shrimp Shack and Tackle Store.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Is nothing sacred anymore? Apparently not. Now, I\u2019m not na\u00efve. I understand the world is run by money, marketing and the consumption of Cheese Doodles. But I want it to be about something more meaningful. Not people selling the rights to their names on eBay. eBay, that part circus, part flea market where people sell everything from Aunt Nelly\u2019s gnome collection to body parts. Now the new fad seems to be people auctioning off names, as Matthew Jean Rouse is doing. Matthew Jean, a 31-year-old father of two, doesn\u2019t like his middle name. According to The Associated Press, he wants to let someone in the general public give him a new one, and he\u2019s asking big bucks for it. As of press time, someone who doesn\u2019t understand the value of money has bid $2,175. “If he wants to walk around with ‘Fool’ as his middle name, that’s his problem,” Rouse’s wife told AP. “If someone changes his name to ‘Poophead,’ he may decide it’s a little more important than he thought.” I hope someone does name him \u201cPoophead.\u201d I hope someone names him \u201cchicken legs\u201d or \u201cstinky behind.\u201d I hope someone names him \u201cslap me.\u201d There comes a point where you go too far, and Matthew Lugnut Rouse has reached it. Terry Iligan, a 33-year-old mother of five from Knoxville (a place that I would now recommend not drinking the water), sold her entire name on eBay for $15,199. You can officially call her \u201cGoldenPalace.com,\u201d after the online casino. GoldenPalace.com, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-49","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=49"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=49"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=49"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=49"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}