I must be a damn fool. A DAMN fool!<\/p>\n
Never, in my wildest dreams, in my foolhardy notions, did I realize there were styles \u2014 actual styles! \u2014 of parenting. Did you know this? Do you have one?<\/p>\n
It\u2019s apparently just like clothing … plaid, skinny jeans, 70s post-hippie chic, drank two 12-packs and woke up in a kilt three days later. All styles.
\n
\nSame thing with parenting. There are dozens, maybe even hundreds, of styles to choose from. I was bumbling about the Internet the other night when I learned this. I came across an article that talked about the most controversial ones. I thought it was about clothes that embarrass your kids so bad that they run off to join the circus. I had to click on it.<\/p>\n
What I found blew my mind! All of these methods for raising children \u2014 in this case wild, far-out ones that are now in vogue. Like something called \u201cPermissive Parenting.\u201d This is when the parent doesn\u2019t set any expectations or lay out any hard and fast rules. It has also been referred to as the, \u201cGee, officer, I don\u2019t know why Timmy would have burned down the house\u201d style.<\/p>\n
The more I looked into it, the more I found.<\/p>\n
I had no idea. I\u2019ve gone more than 6 years without a parenting style, and I was alarmed. How could I be so foolish?!? I have to catch-up. I have to find one of my own … quick.<\/p>\n
I am DESPERATELY out of style!<\/p>\n
So I\u2019m doing my homework. Looking at all the options. Weighing all the pros and cons so I can land one before I lose any more time.<\/p>\n
I have so many to choose from. There\u2019s the Smartphone Method. That\u2019s when you stay glued to your phone for the first 15 years of your child\u2019s life. That way you never hear them whine, \u201cDad, I\u2019m hungry!\u201d \u201cDad, when are we going to play soccer at the park!\u201d or \u201cDad, the car\u2019s on fire and you forgot to zip your fly again!\u201d<\/p>\n
There is the Parenting App, which also involves your phone. It takes all the responsibility of raising a child off your shoulders. The app dishes out parenting fundamentals \u2014 \u201cWater your child at least three times a day\u201d \u2014 along with helpful advice on how to govern your brood \u2014 \u201cYell for no good reason today. It\u2019ll teach them the importance of civility.\u201d<\/p>\n
There\u2019s the little-known, but highly-effective Yoga Parenting Method. This is primarily used for discipline. What you do is pick out your favorite, most complex yoga pose \u2014 double king cobra or backward mantis will do fine \u2014 and when your child acts up, you threaten to twist him or her into that shape. It comes with diagrams and everything! (Note: Actually twisting your child into a yoga pose may also bring a visit from Child Services.)<\/p>\n
There\u2019s the Multiple God parenting style. This is when you spend 30 minutes each morning praying to every available god (including some made up in comic books) so that your child never ends up in prison or has the urge to drive a car. There\u2019s the Pot-head Method. No, it doesn\u2019t involve any type of illegal narcotics. Rather, you approach every parenting issue with the same simple mantra: \u201cDude, man, you know … like … it\u2019ll all work out.\u201d By chanting this thousands of times you will either start to believe it yourself, or run off to a commune in the mountains where you will subsist solely on wheat grass juice. Either way, it all works out.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s the \u201cWhat Would My Parents Do?\u201d method. That\u2019s when you approach every parenting situation with that one simple question. Then you do the exact opposite.<\/p>\n
On and on the styles go. And frankly, I\u2019m more confused than ever. Lost and even demoralized. What a terrible parent to lack a parenting style. You can\u2019t properly raise a child in this day and age without one. I\u2019ve set her up for titanic failure! She\u2019ll grow up to be a cannibal!<\/p>\n
Sure, she\u2019s turned out alright so far. But that\u2019s just blind luck. All these styles wouldn\u2019t be controversial if they didn\u2019t work.<\/p>\n
Truth is I\u2019m behind the curve. I\u2019ve got to get with it. No more playing soccer at the park. No more listening to her as she tells me something caught fire on the stove. I\u2019ve got to put all my energy into picking a style.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I must be a damn fool. A DAMN fool! Never, in my wildest dreams, in my foolhardy notions, did I realize there were styles \u2014 actual styles! \u2014 of parenting. Did you know this? Do you have one? It\u2019s apparently just like clothing … plaid, skinny jeans, 70s post-hippie chic, drank two 12-packs and woke up in a kilt three days later. All styles.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[317,8],"tags":[379,23,377,378,380],"class_list":["post-847","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2012-nutshells","category-parenthoodandchildren","tag-advice","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-style","tag-permissive-parenting","tag-raising-kids"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/847","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=847"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/847\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":848,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/847\/revisions\/848"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=847"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=847"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=847"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}