And now to sound like a horrible, awful, no-good son who says things like this: I should have bought my mother a Christmas present instead of agreeing to build her flower boxes.<\/p>\n
Yep, I said it. I\u2019m a lout. An ungrateful sack of rotting kidney beans.<\/p>\n
I should have bought her socks or ear muffs or a gift certificate for plants. Something \u2026 anything! It would have been over and done with. Delivered on Christmas morning. Unwrapped, fawned over and forgotten.
\n
\nShe wanted flower boxes to sit beneath her windowsills. Said that was all she wanted for Christmas. That would be easier and cheaper on me. (My mother thinks I\u2019m poor and that a recession on the scale of what killed the dinosaurs is coming. Flower boxes will help her survive the apocalypse.)<\/p>\n
Dutiful son that I am, I signed on knowing it would not be easier, and certainly not cheaper. <\/p>\n
But now it\u2019s May and I have only completed a prototype. The court records in the criminal trial will refer to it as \u201cExhibit A.\u201d It was a quick build \u2014 designed to her specifications and wood thickness. It was quickly dispatched to the scrap heap.<\/p>\n
It failed on two fronts: 1) I built it to the wrong dimensions (idiot carpenter that I am, I used the interior size for the exterior), and 2) she didn\u2019t like the wood thickness. (Because I am a good son, I WILL NOT bring up the fact that she specified the wood thickness. That would be reprehensible! Rotten!)<\/p>\n
Why has it taken so long? It\u2019s not that I\u2019m lazy or dragging my feet. I mean, I am lazy and dragging my feet. But that\u2019s not the only reason. There have been numerous demands and requests placed upon the project. In the construction business they\u2019re called \u201cchange orders.\u201d In the construction business you also bill the client for them, but I\u2019m not so lucky.<\/p>\n
She wanted unusual things, like to wait until after my brother finished his Christmas present \u2014 some outdoor stairs for her. Why wait until after my brother? Simple \u2026 so I could reuse the scraps of wood leftover from his project.<\/p>\n
Why reuse scraps? Shoot, why does the sun set in the west and rise in the east? These are questions for astrophysicists or celestial beings. Not little rhubarbs like me.<\/p>\n
So I waited until my (also) lazy, foot-dragging brother finished his project \u2026 only to find that he\u2019s terribly efficient. The single scrap of wood left was a 3-inch stub with a mangled nail sticking out of it. Time to buy lumber.<\/p>\n
About a month ago I was given the green light and we started the design phase. This involved looking at other people\u2019s window boxes. Strolling across their yards at odd times of the day for close examinations. We looked like we were peeking inside their windows, and we startled a large number of people. Why the police weren\u2019t called is anyone\u2019s guess.<\/p>\n
I now have plans drawn on scraps of paper, dimensions and wood sizes. These only change on the quarter hour every other day.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want you using screws!\u201d came the demand one day. (My family speaks in exclamation points \u2026 sometimes several to a sentence.)<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy! not!\u201d came my reply.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause! your father!!!! used screws! \u2014 SCREWS! \u2014 for a project once! The wood rotted! around the screw holes! Just use glue! It\u2019ll hold!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFine!\u201d <\/p>\n
Somewhere in me, deep down in a corner of my gizzard that I don\u2019t like to admit exists, a part of me is enjoying this wild endeavor. It\u2019s like being back in grade school when we used to make Christmas presents in art class. They were as awful as they were heartfelt. Pottery that looked like the shriveled livers of career alcoholics. Paintings of \u201cStar Wars\u201d or jungle cats with only three legs. Dangling things made from macaroni that attracted roaches like a bird feeder. <\/p>\n
I started feeling that way when I realized my first flower box \u2014 the \u201cprototype\u201d \u2014 was a bust. <\/p>\n
\u201cMerry Christmas, mom. It\u2019s a lop-sided, non-square flower box. And the best part is the flower pots you want to put in there won\u2019t fit. I hope you like it!\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve got to get this right. I\u2019ve got to invest more energy. More time. More design. More attention to detail. More tender-loving care. This is what sons do for their mothers.<\/p>\n
In the end they\u2019ll be great. I\u2019m sure of it. And she\u2019ll be thrilled. Just like when we were young and she got the diseased liver vase.<\/p>\n
Now I just need to get them done before Christmas. Why? She\u2019s already drawing up plans for a settee we\u2019re supposed to build next.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
And now to sound like a horrible, awful, no-good son who says things like this: I should have bought my mother a Christmas present instead of agreeing to build her flower boxes. Yep, I said it. I\u2019m a lout. An ungrateful sack of rotting kidney beans. I should have bought her socks or ear muffs or a gift certificate for plants. Something \u2026 anything! It would have been over and done with. Delivered on Christmas morning. Unwrapped, fawned over and forgotten.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[317],"tags":[396,393,47,394,395],"class_list":["post-855","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2012-nutshells","tag-building","tag-christmas-present","tag-diy","tag-flower-box","tag-mothers"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/855","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=855"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/855\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":858,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/855\/revisions\/858"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=855"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=855"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=855"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}