Hurry, hurry. Pack, pack, pack. Quickstep, quickstep. Rush, rush, rush. Pivot. Box step. Grab the lunch. Kick. Heel turn. Hop the dog … EEEK!!!!<\/p>\n
Dog!?! Did anyone walk the dog?<\/p>\n
GASP!<\/p>\n
Start again … Hurry, hurry …
\n
\nAnd that\u2019s how you do the back to school ballroom dance.<\/p>\n
Do you do it, too? Maybe your house is trying this fancy new routine each morning now that school has started up again. Trying to master, or re-master, the jig after a summer hiatus. Regain the rhythm. Re-find the pace. Re-adjust to the intricate timing.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s enough to throw a hip out.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s been the story at our house as my daughter starts first grade. Summer, as short as it was, lulls you into a new dance \u2014 the lazy house slowstep. What\u2019s the rush, man, there\u2019s plenty of time. We have all morning. Am I still in my pajamas? What the heck, I\u2019ll wear \u2018em to work.<\/p>\n
But then it comes. It comes like a tidal wave. No matter how you prepare. No matter how much you practice, there is no preparation for the storm. The real dance.<\/p>\n
The routine takes a while to re-master, and I don\u2019t have the steps down correctly yet. I\u2019m fumbling about, trying to get ready. Wasting too much time on some things \u2014 \u201cI think my coffee needs a half teaspoon more sugar\u201d \u2014 and cutting corners on others \u2014 \u201c7:50! I can only brush half my teeth again!\u201d<\/p>\n
Have you ever been in such a rush that you only brushed half your teeth? That\u2019s when you know you\u2019re really struggling.<\/p>\n
All through summer, the clock was my friend, offering me up endless minutes for all manner of things. Need to finish the paper? Sure, take another 10 minutes. Boil some eggs? Why not? Go for it! You know what would be fun? Let\u2019s smell the tin of cinnamon!<\/p>\n
Now it seems I\u2019m running on borrowed seconds. Fifteen seconds for a shave. GO! Twenty-two seconds to walk the dog. Tight, but I\u2019m on it! Ten seconds for deodorant. Too expensive. Can\u2019t afford it.<\/p>\n
I can\u2019t even keep what time we need to be there straight. I ask over and over again, \u201cWhen time do we need to leave?\u201d<\/p>\n
The answer is always the same, usually with a slight variation on the end: \u201c10 minutes ago,\u201d I\u2019m told and then, \u201c10 minutes ago plus 5 minutes\u201d and you get the picture.<\/p>\n
All the clocks scream at us as we race about the house yelling things that no one can understand: \u201cDid you put your vitamins in your underwear like I told you?\u201d or \u201cWho fed the carrots into the trashcan?\u201d<\/p>\n
Say again? No time. I\u2019ll just do it.<\/p>\n
The blur of bodies racing by makes me dizzy. \u201cI thought we only had one child?\u201d I ask my wife. \u201cHow come I keep seeing four!?!\u201d<\/p>\n
And just when I think we have it all under control \u2014 that we\u2019ve made it \u2026 when we\u2019re heading for the car, home free \u2014 a sweet, little voice rings out: \u201cHey mom? Dad? … I have to go to the bathroom!\u201d<\/p>\n
The bathroom!<\/p>\n
You spent 30 minutes in the bathroom! What were you doing in there that whole time? Answer: She\u2019s a kid! She was doing 6-year-old kid things, like having a conversation with the rock she picked up on the walk last night. You know, dad … come on!<\/p>\n
\u201cSeven seconds in the bathroom!\u201d I scream. \u201c You have seven seconds!\u201d<\/p>\n
Mario Andretti never drove so fast. An escaped monkey in a stolen car never drove so bad. Red lights don\u2019t pertain to us. Physics says particles moving at this speed can literally pass through other objects with no effect to either. Thank God for physics!<\/p>\n
The kid gets to school, somehow on time. We\u2019re exhausted from the dance. Spent. We know we\u2019ll pick it up again. It will become routine again. We\u2019ll get the steps. But those first few days are murder. Those first few days are just a busted-up, buffoon-like hustle. So get some sleep and get ready to do it all again tomorrow. Hurry, hurry …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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