Mornings used to be so peaceful. I would leisurely get up, stretch a little bit, joyfully stub my toed on the edge of the bed, make some coffee, sip it in total relaxation while reading the paper.

My mornings were glorious.

Then I came down with a case of the porch cats. An affliction known to the scientific community as porchcatitis, with symptoms that can be as serious as pulling out your hair, general screaming, uncontrollable twitching, the urge to gnaw on pressure-treated wood, and most definitely, ruining your morning.

Mornings are no longer peaceful.

Because porch cats, like all cats, are finnicky and fussy. These two have already forgotten they were practically homeless just a couple months ago when we unofficially adopted them. Gave them land rights to our porch.

So, let’s just get something straight you two: YOU’RE PORCH CATS!!!

By definition, that means you live on my porch. That means I have ceded a little bit of my territory – my land, my homestead, the property that I pay a mortgage on every month – to your furry little behinds. Out of the goodness of my heart. As repayment to my wonderful neighbor down the street, who we lost last year. Your previous owner. A terrific woman. And because of that, we let you migrate down the block and take up residence here, on our porch.

But here’s what I’m trying to explain to you … it comes with responsibilities! Certain guidelines. You don’t just get to live here rent free. (Well, that’s not exactly true … you ARE living here “rent free.” In fact, I’m losing money on the deal! Which brings me back to my point …) You two might be pleasant, enjoyable and awfully sweet, but you need to accept a couple of rules that I’m laying down.

For starters, throwing up on the porch – your home!!! – is strictly forbidden. I mean, this should go without saying. Why would you even do that?!? There is a whole huge yard out there where you can do frankly whatever you want. Why do it here? Where people walk! Because, here’s the thing: We don’t always look where we are stepping. Especially when it’s early morning. A little dark out. And I just want to get the newspaper. See where I’m going with this? You think that’s a pleasant morning greeting?

Great! Porch cats! Oh man, how in the world did it come to this?

When our good neighbor passed away last year, her two cats, who had themselves adopted her years before, went in search of a new place to eat and lay their heads at night. Porch cats are funny like that: Kind of nomadic. Never bitter or too down about their luck. Resourceful and enterprising. Unfazed and upbeat.

Most of all, they can always spot a sucker.

Exhibit A: My front porch.

I have my daughter to thank for this. A lot of people left food out. Offered to help. Pitched in.
That’s what neighborhoods do. They pull together and help those in need. They take each other in, and care for everyone. Porch cats included.