Wave farewell to summer, everyone. It will be in the rear view mirror before you know it. And that means school is back, and fall is on its way. So I’m here to remind some of you procrastinators about important back-to-school and fall checklist items that you may have forgotten, and surely need to look into:
• Get your middle school daughter a scientific calculator – What’s a scientific calculator? I have no earthly idea. It is both futuristic and old timey, like a Buck Rogers toy, or an abacus. It doesn’t have a touchscreen, but instead buttons. This will mean you have to explain it to your child, as she will try to “swipe” to make it work and then complain it’s broken. When she asks about some of the symbols on it (for instance the “cosine” symbol) you will have to pretend you are smart and say that her young ears aren’t ready for the truth (and horror) about that. (She should ask her teacher!)
• Survey the house projects you promised you would get done this summer … but failed – Fifth year running! That’s like a record … Anyway, you are going to need a good excuse. Like why you only cleaned half the outside windows with the pressure washer. A logical reason might be that you wanted to do the northern and western facing windows in the summer because of the slightly eastern bend of the Earth’s axis, which during the summer months makes it more likely that prevailing solar rays will prevent uneven streaking. Total rubbish, but it sounds good, doesn’t it? Work on that.
• For us Floridians, start thinking about hurricanes – By “thinking about hurricanes” I generally mean … START FREAKIN’ OUT!!! Sure, a little planning, purchasing of supplies, watching the weather and having a place to go make sense, but do not underestimate the power of a good old-fashioned, early-fall “Freak Out!” It’s a right of passage this time of year.
• Buy new clothes – Now, as your children age, this one becomes trickier and more complicated. Mainly because they’re bigger, and have more expensive tastes. They know what the good stuff looks like, and where to get it. Which means clothes shopping takes a few extra days thanks to the needed procurement of a bank loan and the rented trailer to drag it all back.
• Check the AC filters in your house – You don’t need to change them. All the lists I read just say check ‘em, and then you’re done. How cool is that?!? Same goes for windshield wipers on your car, the oil, your house insurance, the vet and your cholesterol. Just give a little look-see and you’re all set. At least for a year or so … or until something seizes up.
• Review your finances – This is especially gratifying as the thrill of your summer vacation wanes and you realize you went over-budget by an amount that will take your daughter’s new scientific calculator to figure out. (Just don’t press the cosine button. Not even scientists know what that one does!)
• Start planning for next summer – Nothing will get you through the fall like something worthwhile on the horizon. (Especially when your wife gets wise to the fact that the house project list didn’t go quite as expected.)