Black Friday, you were never a problem before. What are you trying to do to me? How did you get a hold of me like that? How did you bend me to your holiday commercialistic will? Make me want to buy a whole lot of stuff that I certainly didn’t want (32% off … what a bargain!) and definitely didn’t need.
Maybe it’s COVID-19 and being cooped up all the time. I’ve never been into the holiday shopping day-of-deals, which became more like a week this year. Never liked going to the stores to be crowded in among people, all scrapping and wrestling for bargains on flat screen TVs or cookware sets. Even before the coronavirus I was something of a social distancer, not to mention discount-shopping adverse.
But online? Well, that’s a different story. And I got a little bit by the bug this year it seemed. Suddenly there were things I needed, or more likely didn’t, marked down to ridiculous prices that I just couldn’t miss out on. I knew I couldn’t “miss out” because all Web posts and news stories told me. That I would be, in their words, a “damn fool” if I didn’t take advantage. That I better shop soon and hurry!
“Oh, OK. Well, if the Internet says so, I better getting spending!”
And I did.
Because, you know, crap you don’t need seems more practical and useful when it comes with a gigantic markdown. (You still don’t use it, but that butt-tightening stair-stepper sure feels like a steal when you stuff it in the back of the closet.)
And I wanted that! I wanted to be a Black Friday sucker. I mean, shopper.
So, I went shopping. Or, at least looking to shop. I searched out all kinds of things thanks to deals that kept appearing. I already have an Instant Pot, but at that price, why not get a second one? Then I could have a “casual” mid-week one, and a more “formal” one for special occasions. I could name it “Roosevelt.”
Or some fancy luggage that I would never use. Or a portable garden. Or a label maker! (Thirty-five percent off. I could label my plants and luggage.) I found an LED flame table lamp that looks a little like a real candle flame. If you squint your eyes just right. And ignore the fact that you just paid 10 times the cost of an actual candle. (But one even had Bluetooth!)
A family holiday pajama set? I have been morally, ethically and vehemently opposed to this idea every time my family suggested it. But at 30% off? Now, that’s a bargain worth being embarrassed for.
How about an air fryer? I don’t know what an air fryer is. Apparently it fries things using air. This sounds totally space-age and revolutionary. Plus, Roosevelt needs a friend.
There was a mushroom growing kit (40% off … can’t imagine why the steep discount!), great deals on golf balls (I’ve never played), and even kitty litter (wait a minute … kitty litter!)
I found a great deal on a sound bar that I just had to have for my TV. It was remarkably 25% off for something that was highly-rated. I don’t know why I had to have it, but I did. Although, it was rather disappointing to find out that a sound “bar” isn’t an actual alcohol-dispensing device attached to your TV. Rather, it just emits “sound” in the form of better dialogue and music. Total rip-off, and now I don’t have a robot bartender to pour my bourbon while I watch soccer.
There were lots of automated electronic gadgets. Smart plugs and smart bulbs and smart home video cameras with infrared technology to see in the dark. I almost picked up about a dozen for my yard. I’ve always wanted to see what all those noisy raccoons actually do at night.
But I guess it was when I started pricing fishing gear (I don’t fish) that I started realizing I had fallen down a deep, dark well.
The Black Friday Pit of Excess.
That there was more to be thankful for this year than just a little spending room on my credit card, or the ease of picking up cheap junk I don’t need. Especially in a year like this. Counting blessings and giving thanks for all that we have after all we’ve been through? It feels like it’s never been more important. If there’s anything 2020 has taught me, it’s to take nothing for granted and appreciate everything. Not to be wasteful (hello and goodbye 2020 toilet paper shortage!) and be happy for health, not bargains.
With that realization, I turned away from the deals and stopped searching out whatever I could find for Black Friday. Too many better things to do. Too many more important things to relish.
Plus, I’ve got to go figure out what that sound bar is, and if there’s any way to hook up a Bluetooth alcohol dispenser to it. Probably going to have to pay full-price for that one.