It’s so easy to forget what Thanksgiving is all about when there are so many demands on your time — trying not to throw family members off bridges, putting out kitchen fires that rival anything jet fuel could produce, and how you will sweat turkey for the next couple of weeks.
But remember it’s really about giving thanks. Too often we forget that, which is why I wanted to take a moment to remind you of this fact (after the fact), and to also share what I was most thankful for this turkey-infused holiday:
• The beer fridge in the utility room — To allow for more room in the main fridge, my wife decided to cart a mini-fridge from the shed into the house. She placed it in the utility room and moved beer and anything else she considered “unessential” (pretty much just the beer) into it.
“Can that stay there permanently?” I asked, starry-eyed and nearly overcome with joy. When she said “yes,” it was like Christmas early. Never mind that she was really just banishing beer from the kitchen permanently. Truth is it has always been my dream to have an appliance dedicated to chilling brew. And this Thanksgiving that dream came true! Granted, not exactly what the Pilgrims had in mind, but still I’m thankful.
• The world’s coolest kid — My daughter defies words. Sometimes she dresses herself in so many colors that motorists get temporarily blinded and crash into telephone poles. She determines whether I can give her a bedtime kiss on the cheek or the head by how “scratchy” my five o’clock shadow is. She barrels down sidewalks, trips, and skins off several inches of knee, but doesn’t cry. And she warns everyone in the house that they better be good or Santa will bring us used coal. I’m thankful she’s so much fun.
• The death of typewriters — I heard someone using a typewriter at work the other day. They were making labels, and I had to go over and stair at this poor college student assigned the duty. No doubt she had never seen such an instrument by the look on her face. To her it was probably the equivalent of smearing berry paste on a cave wall, chiseling the huge chunk out and then sending it to a recipient by ox cart. “Like, how do you get on Facebook?” I pictured her thinking.
But it reminded me how much I used to hate typewriters. I’m one of only three people in the world who can be out-typed by a blind dog. I use only three fingers, miss keys like I’m drunk, and can wear out the delete key in a matter of months. (On average, I hit the delete key seven times for every five keys I strike.) My high school term papers — the last time I ineptly used a typewriter — were single-handedly responsible for the deforestation of the Amazon. So thank you modern technology for taking away that horrible invention and giving me a computer.
• My dog’s breath — Caffeine sometimes just doesn’t wake you up in the morning. So a kiss from my hound — a good, proper, soggy smooch warmed by her morning breath — is all I need to get the day rolling.
• New tires — Apparently the old tires no longer had a key and critical ingredient: rubber. That would explain why there was so little grip and it always felt like we were ice skating as we drove down the road.
• My wife — Because it takes a special woman to take on a project like me, and not once (that I know of) has she ever said, “Hmmm, I wonder what the return policy is on this one.”
• For family — Sure, they’re all dysfunctional and it’s just a matter of time before the world gets fed up and starts institutionalizing them. But they’re our family. And all those quirks, oddities and annoying mannerisms that send you into seizures are what make them special. (Define “special” however you want.) Be thankful for them — I am — and just remember: Thanksgiving only comes once a year and they’ll all be gone soon. One more thing to add to the list.