You know that feeling when you’re about to sneeze, but something happens and POOF! Your sneeze is gone. I mean, it’s not totally gone. You look around. You feel your pockets. You know it’s still there because, man, it was coming! And you can still feel it. Somewhere. Deep inside you. Just waiting to erupt. You don’t know where it went – your left kidney? Drinking beer with that sock that went missing weeks ago? (They’re in cahoots!) But you DO know that it’s lurking, building strength, and just waiting to emerge at exactly the wrong time … like when you’re carrying soup or about to kiss a baby.
Sneaky, little sneeze!
I bring this up because the case of the disappearing sneeze reminds me a lot of what happened last week. And I’m wondering if you’ve ever experienced anything like this before: the case of the disappearing flu.
Because it was eerily similar. All ramped up and ready to go. Symptoms coming on hard. I laid down in the prone position to let it take me when … POOF! My flu was gone.
It had all the signs of the flu. I was at work one afternoon when my limbs started aching, I felt like I had fallen UP a flight of stairs and I had to put on my jacket because I was shivering so bad. I started mumbling in languages I don’t even know. I went home that evening, got into bed at 6 and tossed and turned all night.
Yep, here we go …
And then: POOF!
Where did it go? Some people have told me my flu shot did the trick. That flu shots don’t keep you from getting the flu, but rather prevent the symptoms from being too bad. That sounds like mumbo-jumbo to me. Like the kind of people who say, “No, bankruptcy isn’t all that bad. You just need to go through it enough times to numb the pain.”
Part of me thinks my dyslexic, always-misses-a-step body just botched the whole thing. I picture a foreman getting the orders, not quite understanding them and then saying, “Guys, let’s just do a couple symptoms and call it a day.”
Another part – the doubting, insecure side of me – thinks the flu bug showed up, didn’t like what it saw, grumbled that it was a terrible place for a vacation and left. I find that idea hurtful!
Which I know misses the bigger point: I’m not sick! I don’t have the flu! I’ve escaped the misery and the wasted tissues and my family trying to see what kind of deal they can get for me on eBay.
That should all be a good thing, right?
Except … I can’t get over where it went! Part of me that thinks it’s like that sneeze. Lurking. Just waiting to strike. That I can’t let down my defenses. And it’s making me paranoid. I go to work every day in pajamas, a mug of hot peppermint tea and tissues stuffed up my nose in anticipation.
I don’t know whether to go on with my life, proud that I beat the system. Or keep waiting out the inevitable that I know is coming. Either way, I’m not carrying soup or kissing babies any time soon.