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2022 Nutshells, Family, Health

DNA, is this really my future?

June 15, 2022 No Comments

There are times when your DNA is exposed for what it is: Your handed-down future. When you can see quite clearly where you came from, and where it’s taking you. Observe one generation and see where it will lead the next. Sometimes it’s in your looks. Or your shape and mannerisms. Sometimes it’s health. And sometimes it’s the dumb things you do. Or know you will do. Because it’s all in the DNA, and there’s no changing that.

It was Saturday when the texts between my brother and I started bouncing back and forth. My dad had taken a fall. He had nearly blacked out and toppled over at home. On his way down, he did some damage. Some pretty major damage. A broken nose. A gash across his brow requiring enough stitches that it brings automatic membership to the crew of pirates of his choice. Scrapes, bruises, cuts … and oh yeah, … a cracked vertebrae in his spine. His neck. The C2 vertebrae.

The C2!

OK, a little anatomy lesson here: The C2 is the second segment in your spine, just under your skull. It’s pretty important for support, head movement, and of course, protecting the spine. In particular, the C1 and C2 vertebrae do not take kindly to being knocked around. When you look up injuries to the C2, Web sites like to roll out big words like: severe, can lead to full paralysis, often fatal.

You can crack a lot of things in your body, but you would be wise to stay away from the C2.

2022 Nutshells, Getting old ... er ... older, Health

A not-so calamitous run-in with a colonoscopy

May 8, 2022 No Comments

There are things we do in life that just aren’t fun. Taxes come to mind. Root canals are pretty high up there. Licking a nettle on a bet. But all pale in comparison to the medical things we’re supposed to start doing when we get up there in age. The kind of ages and medical procedures that you never worried about before. They were too far in the future to give any thought, and you figured someone would just invent an iPhone app to replace it before it became an issue.

The “it” refers to procedures like a … hold on while I figure out how to spell it … c-o-l-o-n-o-s-c-o-p-y.

Wo! That hurt a little just to type it.

That’s what I had last week. It’s when they send a camera up your behind and to have a look-see inside your colon. Just to make sure everything is OK. Think of it like a Martian rover on some great adventure, only not nearly as cool or fun.

But it’s all about preventative medicine. According to the CDC, colon cancer is the third leading cause of cancer deaths in the U.S. And as alarming as that is, early screenings like colonoscopies are the best way to head it off.

2022 Nutshells, Coronavirus, Family, Health

A few things you learn when a family member gets COVID

January 30, 2022 No Comments

Oh man! We went almost two years without anyone in my house getting COVID – two years! – and then: BLAMMO! My wife got it.

The night before my daughter got back from her snowed-in ski trip, my wife was making sweet potato chili and asked the most peculiar thing: “Isn’t chili supposed to smell strong?”

Uh-oh!

Um, yeah. That’s why they call it chili. It’s spicy. Like curl-the-hair-on-your-head spicy. Clear-out-your-sinuses spicy. So … what you’re saying is … ?

She proceeded to run about the house trying to smell everything – alcohol, vinegar, harsh cleaning products, bourbon. All to no avail.

The next morning, we each took a COVID test. Remarkably – and someone would even say wildly unfair – the responsible, safe person in the house came back positive. The one who needs to be told not to eat things off the floor and to wash his hands regularly was negative.

Two years and BLAMMO!

2022 Nutshells, Florida, Health, Holidays

Resolving to be more goal-oriented in 2022

December 31, 2021 No Comments

Happy new year to you all! I hope 2021 ended brightly, and that 2022 will be a beacon of hope, health and whatever the old year wasn’t. Plus, you win the lottery.

If you’re like me, you’re still trying to get a fix on what to expect in the new year. Maybe you were struggling with what kind of resolutions to make. I know I was. In fact, I found myself pondering what that old tradition even means. I went so far as to look up the word “resolve,” and the
Merriam-Webster dictionary defined it this way: “to make a definite and serious decision to do something.”

And then I finally understood why resolutions don’t work: Anyone can “make” a definite and serious decision – I resolve to invent faster-than-light space travel! – but who has the drive to actually follow through?

So, this year I decided to skip resolutions in favor of project management-approved goals that will come with action plans and data-driven results. It’s not too late for you to follow my lead, so I thought I would share with you my “Goals for 2022”:

• Wear more Adventure Pants – They’re not really called that. It’s a name my brother has given to this brand of utility dungarees that have cool pockets, stretchable fabric and the durability of petrified wood. His have gone one step further into the “adventure” category with holes burned in from campfires and poison ivy growing out of a pocket. They’re ridiculously comfortable, and call you to venture out into the wilds, replace the suspension on your vehicle or just sit down at your desk and write a really great action plan for wearing more Adventure Pants.

2021 Nutshells, Health

Accepting the Internet’s challenge for a better me

December 9, 2021 No Comments

I love the Internet because it is awash with things it thinks we need to live happier, healthier and more productive lives. Plus, it knows the secret to six-pack abs in less than two weeks.

What could be better than that?

And more and more when I hop on the Web, I’m bombarded with all sorts of these challenges, health and fitness tips and advice columns – some legitimate and some questionable – that promise to turn me into better versions of myself … with rockin’ abs!

I’ll take a helping of that, please.

Name your topic or area of need and you’ll find it:

“13 tips to have more willpower.”

“The 7 most important exercises for men over 40.”

“Kettlebell shoulder workouts to explode your conditioning.”

“How to write advice columns with no expertise or first-hand knowledge about what kettlebells are or why you want them to explode your shoulders.”

2021 Nutshells, Coronavirus, Health, Marriage

The COVID booster says, ‘listen to your wife’

November 5, 2021 No Comments

When will I learn to listen? Not only recognize when wisdom presents itself to me, but also to learn from it. Act upon it.

And when my wife tells me something, just dang-well do it!

Example A: My recent COVID booster shot. It wasn’t getting the shot that was the issue. That was no problem, and I did it of my own free will. When I learned that anyone who had received Johnson and Johnson’s vaccine more than 2 months ago was eligible not only for a booster, but could now mix-and-match with the shot of their choosing, I did some research, settled on Moderna and went off to get my
jab.

Pat on the back. Nicely done. I’m all done …

Except for the advice given: “OK, now remember, you don’t know how your immune system will react afterward,” my wife said. “So, you need to drink lots of fluids, rest and take it easy.”

2021 Nutshells, Health, Parenthood and Children

Trying to be a better ‘meat’ eater

October 24, 2021 No Comments

“Hmm,” I said, the half-eaten meatball dangling from my fork. “It KIND of tastes like a meatball. Maybe one who is having an identity crisis. Or schizophrenic. Or maybe just mad at the world.”

“Yep,” my daughter agreed. She was probing her own meatball with her front teeth, nibbling off a little bit, like she wasn’t quite ready to fully commit. Or let her tongue touch it. “I would agree with that.”

“But the texture is not quite right. It’s kind of like … um … what is it? Oh, wet gym sock! That’s it.”

“Yep,” she replied. “I would agree with that.”

Nibble, nibble, nibble.

So went our first experiment with meat-less meatballs. The vegetarian – or maybe they were vegan? – meatballs. Balls of something that weren’t meat. Some kind of vegetable imposter trying to be meat. Compressed into a ball and told to impersonate Italian ground beef. Trick them. Get them to believe you are something else. Maybe give out a little “moo” once in a while.

Only, I wasn’t quite convinced.

2021 Nutshells, Health, In the News

Why is the Internet trying to keep us up at night?

September 4, 2021 No Comments

Hey Internet, stop freaking me out! You think that’s cool? It’s not cool. It’s freakin’ … me … out.

All kinds of things. Everything you do and say has me worried. You keep publishing stuff. Stuff that is supposed to be helpful. Stuff that is supposed to give guidance and support. Stuff that is supposed to be advice.

But it’s all scary as heck! All of it.

Investing and financial planning advice. Health advice. Hygiene advice and even the weather. Yeah, the weather. Like how if your zip code drinks too much beer, it’s more likely to attract hurricanes. (OK, I made that one up. But I bet you there’s someone out there who thinks that’s true. And they’ve written a story about it and posted it on the Internet. I’m going to read it and I’m going to FREAK OUT!!!)

I don’t know why, but the financial advice is scaring me the most. Maybe it’s because I’m getting up there in years, but I see a lot more of it now. It’s all terrifying. “Three big 401(k) mistakes you’ll regret in retirement.” “Everyone’s going to be a millionaire … but you.” “Why you should give up now because your future is doomed!” “You could have bought cryptocurrency, but you got tacos instead.”

2021 Nutshells, Family, Getting old ... er ... older, Health

A little back pain solved by listening to mom

April 21, 2021 No Comments

I am the type of person who misinterprets things. This is especially true when it comes to health. This means that when I feel a small twinge of something in my back, I automatically assume the worst. One of three things usually: 1) Kidney failure, 2) untreatable cancer, or 3) proof that aliens abducted me, inserted some kind of tracking device and it’s now causing both kidney failure AND untreatable cancer.

The triple whammy!

They didn’t mean to do it, I should add. They thought they were tagging me like a bear for research. But it turns out that thanks to an online bargain, they got some cheap, knock-off trackers made with toxic materials. And this is the result.

Yes, my hypochondriac imagination does get a bit elaborate.

What I do NOT think is that maybe I just tweaked a muscle. Or that maybe something simpler, or more realistic, is at play.

This was the state of me recently. Back hurting. Frantic updates made to my will. Wondering which court had jurisdiction when my family goes to sue the extraterrestrials.

2021 Nutshells, Coronavirus, Florida, Health, In the News

Dropping everything and following the blue arrows to a COVID vaccine

March 17, 2021 No Comments

When you get a chance at the COVID vaccine, you drop everything and go. You go like there’s a gold rush. You go like you just had a psychic vision of the winning lottery numbers. You go like you’re not actually sitting in a meeting at work.

You just get up and you go.

That’s what I did last week when I heard several colleagues I work with say that the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) facility in Jacksonville was vaccinating anyone working in education, including those like us who work at colleges or universities. They had been up to the facility, which news reports say had seen thinner demand and wasn’t administering as many vaccines as it was setup for, and were quickly moved through the process after showing their college IDs.

No wait for a vaccine and only an hour away? You don’t have to tell this guy twice. Have arm, will travel.

It had already been an exciting week on the vaccine front in our household. My wife, a pre-school teacher, had been vaccinated that Monday. She got the Johnson and Johnson vaccine at CVS – the one-and-done shot that needs no follow-up booster, and is supposed to have a similar efficacy to the others when it comes to the most severe effects of the virus.