2022 Nutshells, Coronavirus, Family, Health

A few things you learn when a family member gets COVID

No Comments

Oh man! We went almost two years without anyone in my house getting COVID – two years! – and then: BLAMMO! My wife got it.

The night before my daughter got back from her snowed-in ski trip, my wife was making sweet potato chili and asked the most peculiar thing: “Isn’t chili supposed to smell strong?”

Uh-oh!

Um, yeah. That’s why they call it chili. It’s spicy. Like curl-the-hair-on-your-head spicy. Clear-out-your-sinuses spicy. So … what you’re saying is … ?

She proceeded to run about the house trying to smell everything – alcohol, vinegar, harsh cleaning products, bourbon. All to no avail.

The next morning, we each took a COVID test. Remarkably – and someone would even say wildly unfair – the responsible, safe person in the house came back positive. The one who needs to be told not to eat things off the floor and to wash his hands regularly was negative.

Two years and BLAMMO!

Continue Reading

2022 Nutshells, Childhood, Family, Florida, Parenthood and Children, Weather

A Florida kid who ‘got snow’ in North Carolina

No Comments

“Good morning. Got snow?” my text read.

I sent it to my 16-year-old daughter. She was knee-deep in a ski trip to North Carolina with a youth group from Memorial Presbyterian. They were hitting the slopes at Beech mountain and hunkered down in their cabins the night a winter storm named Izzy pounded the East Coast. It dumped white stuff all across the region, blanketing that corner of the world in snowdrifts and winter scenes that seem like a fairy tale when you’re from a place they call “the Sunshine State.”

Got snow?!? Oh yeah, they got snow.

The weather map in North Carolina showed precipitation levels in colors I had never seen before. In Florida, we gets greens and yellows, and when it’s really bad, reds. But this was a kind of baby blue mixed with some type of neon pink. “Does that mean radiation leak?” I wondered.

No, it means “butt buried in snow.”

Lots of snow. Where they measure accumulation in inches, or even feet. When the roads are impassible, and you open your cabin door to be met with the giggly white stuff just beckoning you to dive in and bathe in it.

A sea of it. As far as the eye could see. And because you’re a 16-year-old kid who doesn’t have to worry about how to get home or whether you’re going to have to eat frozen woodland critters to survive, it’s the most glorious thing ever.

Ah, so lucky. Got snow!

Continue Reading

2022 Nutshells

Catching up on all the trends for 2022

No Comments

While I stood in line for a COVID test last week – believe it or not, the first I’ve had to get this entire pandemic! – I had plenty of time to ponder a few of life’s greatest and most perplexing questions like: Would the tech go in too far and scrape my brain? Why do some people like boiled ham better than baked? Maybe most importantly, what should I make of all the 2022 trends that experts and aficionados keep predicting?

And you say, “Boy, he doesn’t look like a guy who would follow trends.” But au contraire. I’m an extremely trendy guy. I keep my clothes so long that they always come back into style thanks to some future trend. (Well, not my 1980s parachute pants, but I’m holding out hope.) Anyway, the older I get, the more I struggle to understand new trends. And maybe because of the pandemic and the world seeming so unsettled, 2022 is a real hodge-podge of strange trends. So, let’s take a look at some of the new ones we’re all going to be experiencing this year and try to make some sense of them all:

• On the fashion front, relaxed, slouching waistlines on clothing are going to keep getting lower in 2022. So low, in fact, that soon we’ll just call our clothes socks. Also … parachute pants! (Going to keep trying.)

Continue Reading

2022 Nutshells, Family, Florida, Holidays

Chaos and hunger at the holiday theme park

No Comments

There are several un-written laws of Florida: Never tickle an alligator on its snout. Only on its tail. When sunning yourself, always rotate mid-way through cooking and make sure to baste. Always wear your formal flip-flops to important dress-up events, especially black tie.

But maybe most importantly, and the only “law” that should never be bent, broken or even slightly tinkered with is one every Floridian knows from birth: Don’t go to a theme park the week after Christmas.

It’s not just a violation, but also great way to risk life and limb. Not to mention your wallet.

Which is why I found it astonishing – even mind-blowing – to be sitting in a line of cars backed-up for almost a mile as we waited to get into the parking lot of Orlando’s Sea World … three days after Christmas.

“AAARRRGGHHHH!!!!” I growled. “I should have known better. I was raised smarter than this!”

Continue Reading

2022 Nutshells, Florida, Health, Holidays

Resolving to be more goal-oriented in 2022

No Comments

Happy new year to you all! I hope 2021 ended brightly, and that 2022 will be a beacon of hope, health and whatever the old year wasn’t. Plus, you win the lottery.

If you’re like me, you’re still trying to get a fix on what to expect in the new year. Maybe you were struggling with what kind of resolutions to make. I know I was. In fact, I found myself pondering what that old tradition even means. I went so far as to look up the word “resolve,” and the
Merriam-Webster dictionary defined it this way: “to make a definite and serious decision to do something.”

And then I finally understood why resolutions don’t work: Anyone can “make” a definite and serious decision – I resolve to invent faster-than-light space travel! – but who has the drive to actually follow through?

So, this year I decided to skip resolutions in favor of project management-approved goals that will come with action plans and data-driven results. It’s not too late for you to follow my lead, so I thought I would share with you my “Goals for 2022”:

• Wear more Adventure Pants – They’re not really called that. It’s a name my brother has given to this brand of utility dungarees that have cool pockets, stretchable fabric and the durability of petrified wood. His have gone one step further into the “adventure” category with holes burned in from campfires and poison ivy growing out of a pocket. They’re ridiculously comfortable, and call you to venture out into the wilds, replace the suspension on your vehicle or just sit down at your desk and write a really great action plan for wearing more Adventure Pants.

Continue Reading